See Below: TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS FOR UNDERSTANDING 5 PARENTING STYLES
Understanding 5 Parenting Styles
Recognizing Your Own Childhood in These 5 Parenting Styles
Understanding these 5 parenting styles is important for all parents as well as grandparents raising grandkids. However, recognizing the parenting style from your childhood can help you acknowledge the positive and negative experiences from your past.
Accepting your own experiences may help parents improve strategies for establishing which of the 5 parenting styles are best for their family.
For me, I’m on the border between a Baby Boomer and a Gen Xer, so I definitely understand both generations. Although I feel I relate more to Gen X than true Baby Boomers. No offense Boomers! I still feel your love and TONS of Baby Boomer music drilled into my brain from my older siblings! Lol!
So, that tells you I’m a woman of a certain age. And as a mom of five grown children, now raising two grandchildren, I have experienced the old traditional parenting style, with a pinch of I don’t give a shit parenting! (Not one of the 5 parenting styles noted in this post!)
I don’t give a shit parenting style is a special kind of style that comes along with having too many children and not really liking or appreciating them! That was me as a child and my 7 siblings.
Although admittedly, my parents did have their favorites, I was not one of them. Yet, being # 6 of 8 kids, I definitely learned how to ride under the radar most of my childhood. And as all Gen Xers know, parents generally didn’t come looking for you if you weren’t on site.
So, most of us figured out it was better to become invisible than be spotted doing or being a typical kid! Typical was not allowed in our house!
And, I bet thousands of other Boomer/Gen Xers experienced that same “I don’t give a shit” parenting style from their parents as well! With that said, most of us….the Boomer/Gen Xers were determined not to raise our children the same way we were raised.
Traditional Parenting; 5 Parenting Styles
My parents, like most traditional parents of Baby Boomers and Gen X ers, expected their kids to be seen and not heard. We, as children, were there to “do” and “serve”.
Parents, and many parents of that generation, rarely consider children’s feelings or emotions about any specific situation.
If traditional parents made a decision about their child, the child would not get a say or choice in that matter. Regardless, of the effect, either negative or positive it had on the child.
Old parenting, aka traditional parenting, focuses on respect and following orders. Traditional parenting relies on punishment, fault, and blame. Children raised in traditional parenting households are expected to obey authority and not question the beliefs or values placed on them by their parents.
Most parents using traditional parenting tend to be strict and focus on reprimand and reward. Traditional parenting sometimes referred to as old parenting, may result in children struggling with behavioral and psychological issues.
Obviously, as children get older, there is a strong urge to rebel against their parent’s strict rules which can lead to dangerous and menacing behaviors.
Modern Parenting; 5 Parenting Styles
Over the years, parenting styles have changed with modern parenting becoming the primary style for most new parents. With new parents choosing modern parenting vs traditional parenting, new generations of children are feeling more positive about themselves, even during difficult times.
Typically, modern parenting vs traditional parenting styles will depend on the type of parenting styles moms and dads grew up with.
Parenting styles are generally determined by the parenting method you experienced in your own childhood.
Of course, moms and dads most likely grew up with different parenting styles, so establishing either modern parenting vs traditional parenting styles may be tricky and contentious for new parents.
Productive Traditional Parenting; 5 Parenting Styles
My husband was also raised in a traditional parenting household. BUT, and this is a big BUT, he had more tuned in traditional parents. Although his parents still had high aspirations for their children, they also provided them with support and guidance to reach those goals.
The major difference was that my in-laws gave my husband and his siblings the focus and attention they required as children. They also provided their children ongoing affection, that enabled them to feel comfortable and confident growing up.
In my husband’s, traditional parenting household, there were rules and guidelines, and expectations for success. However, his parents allowed room for failure, oversights, and even rebellion without strict punishment or reprimand.
When he or his siblings encountered problems or troubles, his parents discussed it with them. Looked to resolve problematic situations and taught them skills to manage disappointment.
Their parenting style was truly productive traditional parenting. Although they expected obedience from their children, they also allowed opportunities to discuss alternative options.
Now, understanding my in-law’s parenting style, I believe they mixed firm with soft and authoritative with respect. Since my in-laws respected their children, it encouraged their children to respect them. Which they all did deeply.
My husband, along with his three siblings, all attended a very elite private high school. Additionally, they all went on to achieve college and advanced degrees.
Proving in many ways that mixing strong parenting with a strong sense of love is an extremely effective and productive traditional parenting style.
I’d say that this Productive Traditional Parenting style is in line with today’s Authoritative Parenting. His parents set rules and boundaries but provided support, love, and encouragement to accomplish their goals.
He was very lucky to have this experience as a child. His childhood parenting style helped us establish a healthy parenting style for raising our five children.
Blended Parenting; 5 Parenting Styles
Blending parenting styles together can become EXTREMELY treacherous for some parents. Including me! Since my husband and I were raised with different traditional parenting styles, raising our children was sometimes challenging.
My strong traditional parents were strict but they also didn’t know or understand the needs of children. Therefore, I was 100% determined to NOT raise my kids the same way.
My traditional parenting household did not provide encouragement or direction in or outside of school or work. As children, we were expected to figure life out on our own and only lived in our parental home until we were 18 years old. I actually left after graduating from high school at 17 years old and never lived with my parents again.
Honestly, it makes me sad to think about that. I think that’s what makes me feel like a true Gen Z er! We were left to fend for ourselves most of our lives. At 18, or before, we were sent packing before we knew how to manage the world! It was (is) a very strange and very sad way to raise children.
In many ways, I still feel deep-rooted resentment toward my parents, and it is sometimes difficult to think of my own childhood as I watch them age. But I grew up to become a happy and content woman with a wonderful loving family of my own.
Because of my personal childhood experience, I was determined to always be present and supportive of my children. Sometimes, WAY too much!
My husband often disagreed with me overly doting on our children. But I honestly couldn’t help myself and he understood. I always felt such a deep love for my kids and I wanted them to continuously feel my love. Whether I was there or not.
Although, I wasn’t a helicopter parent, thank God, I was and always have been a very involved, supportive, and maybe even a bit too smothering type of mom. I definitely overcompensated for the lack of love, affection, and attention I didn’t receive as a child with my own children!
It kinda sucks that your own childhood experiences play such an overwhelming role in how we parent our own children. Sorry, but not really sorry kids!! Haha!
Either way, I am now parenting my grandchildren, so I am using all the tools I’ve learned and gained over the years. Hopefully, I can provide them with the skills, assets, and abilities to become productive, loving, and capable teenagers and young adults!
Raising Children with Different Parenting Experiences; 5 Parenting Styles
When couples enter into a marriage, they typically don’t discuss what type of parenting style they will use when raising their own children. Many times, this subject does not come up until they actually have a child.
As the child gets older, parenting becomes more than just midnight feedings and changing diapers, parenting styles appear.
I suggest that all new parents openly discuss their ideas and opinions about raising their babies. Here are 5 parenting styles all parents should learn.
5 Parenting Styles
1 of 5 Parenting Styles: Authoritarian Parenting or Strict Parenting
Authoritarian or strict parents are often demanding with their children. They generally do not allow for flexibility or discussion regarding their parenting decisions.
Children with strict parents tend to be fearful of making mistakes or doing something wrong.
Additionally, strict parenting can show other signs of unhealthy parent-child relationship problems. Exhibiting harsh behavior towards children can lead to resentment. Also, children may withdraw from their strict parents whenever possible.
Strict parenting can cause a lack of genuine communication and honesty between parents and children. Parents must consider how their parenting style is affecting their child’s opportunity for growth and maturity.
Since children have been forced to obey their parents throughout their lives, they may lack confidence in their own decision-making. This may result in requiring the skills needed to make decisions for themselves as they mature.
Lenient or permissive parents may feel they are providing exactly what their child needs. Lenient parents allow children to make their own decisions without enforcing rules.
Although this parenting style may seem “cool”, it may create harmful outcomes and consequences for your child.
A parent’s goal should not be to be their child’s friend, yet friendly towards them. Parents should provide structure throughout their child’s life so children gain a better understanding of personal pride and accomplishments.
Children, as with most people, need structure in their daily lives. Without set boundaries or guidelines, children, adolescents, and teens will not have a clear understanding of social norms or social behavioral expectations.
Parents’ guidance and direction allow children healthy regulations for themselves and those around them. If parents do not provide any supervision or leadership, children will have a difficult time establishing limitations on their own.
2 of 5 Parenting Styles: Neglectful Parenting
Neglect occurs when parents look out for their own best interests, instead of the interests of their children. If parents cannot or do not recognize the basic needs of their children, it can lead to dangerous situations.
As noted in a previous “Raising Grandkids” blog post: 15 TOP PARENTING CHALLENGES CONCERNING PARENTS & GRANDPARENTS not all parents are meant to raise children. Some men and women find themselves in a parental role but do not have the necessary means or tools to parent a child.
In this type of toxic parent-child relationship, it is best for parents to identify their shortcomings and find alternative options for their children’s well-being.
Continual neglect of children of any age can be detrimental to their physical, emotional, and phycological present and future life results.
For FREE CONFIDENTIAL 24/7 help, you can reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline or call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224 or Text START to 88788
3 of 5 Parenting Styles: Helicopter or Overprotective Parenting
Helicopter or overprotective parents set out to protect their children from hurt, pain, and harm. This protection spreads beyond the cautionary fun at a playground for young children.
Parental overprotection can surround the emotional boundaries of young children, adolescents, teens, and adult children.
Helicopter or overprotective parents feel their children NEED them to oversee their children’s lives in every way. Many overprotective parents think their children, at all ages, are incapable of doing things on their own or making their own choices.
Overprotective parents question their child’s ability to be independent. Therefore, they may not allow or support individual growth or development for their child’s future success.
Most parent-child relationships are very special. Therefore, it is perfectly acceptable to support children by giving advice and protecting them from making mistakes.
But making demands on your children and hovering over them constantly, especially adult children, will create anger, frustration, and resentment.
4 of 5 Parenting Styles: Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative parents aim for their children to be happy and successful. They teach and encourage children to follow rules and expectations at home, in school, and in the community.
When children struggle with certain demands or rules, authoritative parents give them the support and tools they need to work through their challenges.
Authoritative parents believe their children need freedom, within limits. Children are given reasonable boundaries to follow and develop the ability to get through adversities.
Parents who are authoritative, listen to their children with kindness and empathy. They help children learn how to establish clear boundaries for themselves and their friendships.
As children mature, they become more resistant and self-confident. They learn to express themselves without judgment and follow societal rules and guidelines throughout their adulthood.
How Parenting Affects Child Development; 5 Parenting Styles
Parents typically want their children to be happy and successful. Psychologists suggest that providing a balance of openness, and honesty is a technique for raising successful, productive children.
Most experts agree that authoritative parenting provides children with rules, but also gives them the freedom to make their own decisions. While parents offer support, they allow children to make mistakes and figure out their own techniques to learn from their behaviors.
Authoritative parenting provides the structure, support, and encouragement for children to grow and mature into confident and creative adults.
For more information regarding Parent-Child Relationship Problems.
Parenting Then vs Now; 5 Parenting Styles
Parenting then vs now is totally different! The majority of all parents now are connected to their children in a variety of ways.
Many parents schedule their work and social lives around their children’s busy social schedules. Since most parents work out of the home, they arrange activities on days off or after working hours.
Modern parenting includes children in families in every way. They show children the love, respect, and dignity they deserve as important family members.
As I remember parenting then vs now I recall what a psychologist recently stated. Since I don’t remember word for word, I will simply paraphrase.
It is the responsibility of all parents to ensure their children are loved and taken care of, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Children did not ask to be born. Parents brought their children into the world and they must make sure they are fully cared for until they are self-reliant and capable of being independent constructive members of society.
Remembering Childhood; 5 Parenting Styles
Although I have some resentment and bitterness from my childhood, I really do my childhood, with love and fondness. Of course, there were many gaps in being raised in a strict, authoritarian home, we were provided for.
My siblings and I always had a strong roof over our heads, food to eat, and clothes to wear. We didn’t complain mostly because we didn’t know any differently.
Our Baby Boomer/Gen X friends lived with the same rules we had….although some had better snacks, lol! We grew up, figured out life, and learned to become loving, caring, protective parents. Which I guess is the best any parent or child could ask for!
Grandparents Raising Grandkids; 5 Parenting Styles
It is important to note, that if you are a grandparent raising a grandchild, DO NOT raise your grandchildren the same way you raised your children. The world is very different. Parenting styles are different.
It is important grandparents raising children today aim to provide their grandchildren with the guidance they need in this new age of technology.
Grandparents need to learn to understand their generational differences and respect their ideas and opinions.
You may be extremely surprised by how creative and intelligent your grandchildren are and will continue to be with your ongoing love and support!
TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS FOR UNDERSTANDING 5 PARENTING STYLES
- Parent with love, respect, and authority, but do not expect your child to do everything you ask them without question.
- Their questions show their ability to be strong and have self-confidence.
- Respect their power to ask questions and not act without asking why!
- Listen to your children without judgment. Truly listening to them will allow you to understand who they are as individuals.
- Remember your childhood and try to recall the positive and negative parenting restrictions placed on you as a child.
- Recalling your own childhood experiences may help you parent with more love and empathy towards your child.
- Be partners with your spouse or other parent. It is important parents show respect to each other and their parenting technique…especially in front of the children.
- Discussing parenting styles and strategies before children are born is best for you and your child.
- Do not attempt to be your child’s friend! This is HUGE!! As a parent or a grandparent raising grandkids, you are NOT nor should be a FRIEND.
- Do not expect, encourage or anticipate being your child’s friend. You are the parent and must remain in an authoritative role, regardless of your age, or coolness.
- Your child needs rules, structure, and boundaries from a parent. Be a parent, NOT a friend!
