TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS TO AVOID PARENTING MISTAKES
Unintentional Parenting Mistakes
Regardless of the type of parent you are, all parents are bound to make some parenting mistakes when raising children.
I am a parent of five children and a grandparent of five grandchildren. But I have been raising my two older grandchildren, now teenagers, since they were young. So, it often feels like I am a parent of seven, not five!
As a young mother, I am sure I made lots of mistakes. Yet, at the time, I didn’t realize they were mistakes and they didn’t feel like mistakes. I didn’t know that some of my parenting techniques could cause childhood trauma.
Since parenting does not come with an established rulebook, parents can make parenting mistakes that can cause unintentional childhood trauma.
New Parenting
When a couple has a newborn baby, there are SO many things they don’t know about. All new parents expect life to become a beautiful family postcard. New parents, holding their new baby. Magical and picturesque!
Then reality strikes hard when a baby enters the world and new parents’ life drastically changes. Mostly for the better, but it takes many, many, many sleepless nights before feeling the wonder of parenthood!
While caring for your baby and carefully watching them grow, parents are generally cautious with every step along the way. Each new stage of learning comes new excitement of love and pride.
For parents, experiencing their baby’s first signs of growth in their smile, rolling over, sitting up, crawling, standing, walking, and talking are all magical milestones.
Effective Parenting
Through all the wonderful highlights of growth, parents are there to provide love and support. With each newly learned ability, they protect their baby from getting bumps and bruises.
As their baby grows into a toddler and youngster, parents continue to focus on protecting their child’s best interests mentally, physically, and emotionally.
As the years move forward and your child grows through many stages of their life including adolescence and teenage years, parenting also changes. Rules change, independence changes, and expectations change.
These changes are all part of parenting and childhood, yet with each change comes parental guidelines and boundaries. Often maturing children become annoyed or rebellious with their parents, teachers, and/or other authority figures if they feel confined or pressured.
Many children feel they are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves and close themselves off from their parents.
When parents are lost and frustrated with their parenting rules and strategies, they may choose to be firm in their parenting decisions without understanding the trauma it may create in their children.
Again, without having a parenting rulebook, parents can make parenting mistakes that can cause unintentional childhood trauma. Knowing these 8 Parenting Mistakes may help parents avoid these parenting techniques.
Here are 8 Parenting Mistakes That Can Cause Childhood Trauma
Physical Punishments
Physical punishments are the biggest parenting mistakes made by parents and cause deep-rooted childhood trauma.
Parents in past generations felt physical punishments were necessary to control and dominate their children’s behaviors.
Studies have proven that any type of hitting, slapping, punching, spanking, or any type of corporal punishment is not an acceptable parenting technique for discipline.
Becoming physically aggressive with children creates childhood trauma that can be felt through adulthood.
Additionally, children who have been punished through physical punishment may acquire their own emotional difficulties, such as anxiety and depression.
Parents should seek alternative punishment methods to find positive results when children need to be corrected.
For other ideas and suggestions, see 15 Top Parenting Challenges for Parents and Grandparents.
Yelling at Children
Honestly, I think yelling is an inherited parenting technique. I say this because I am personally from a long line of yellers and I hate it, but I do it!! Ugh!
Growing up in a family with 7 siblings…8 kids in 9 years, there was LOTS of yelling. As kids we yelled at each other, but mainly because we were yelled at by our parents.
Yelling was their form of communication. When they were angry or frustrated, they yelled!
Luckily, there was also love, so our household wasn’t all about yelling. But, the stress and tension of being yelled at or yelling at someone can affect you deep inside your soul.
Yelling is one of the parenting mistakes that can have negative effects on a child. When children experience yelling in their homes, it leaves them questioning their own communication skills with others.
As a parent, I have learned to curb yelling at my children. Although it can be very difficult, especially with teenagers, keeping communication steady and controlled is much more effective than raising your voice or yelling!
Arguing in Front of Children
Everyone knows relationships are hard and parenting is harder! Of course, most couples enter into parenthood feeling they are strong partners.
Most are excited and anxious to become parents and share their little bundle of joy in harmony together.
Regardless of your best intentions, conflicts are a normal part of every relationship. However, when children see their parents arguing, they become confused. Children cannot understand why the people they love the most are continually arguing and fighting.
Watching or listening to parents arguing is traumatic for children to observe. A child’s mental health can be deeply affected if the parent’s fighting includes cursing or physical attack.
Fighting and arguing in front of children is one of the most problematic parenting mistakes because it can cause childhood trauma.
Therefore, parents need to focus on setting a good example for their children and refrain from arguing in front of their children.
In times of conflict, parents should be respectful toward each other and discuss any tough situations or topics away from their children.
Shaming Children
Shame is one of the parenting mistakes that is overlooked by many parents but is felt very deeply by children. Talking negatively about a child can make them feel shame.
Correcting or yelling at a child in public also makes them feel shame. Additionally, embarrassing your child in public can trigger a feeling of shame.
The definition of shame is… “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.”
Making these parenting mistakes can cause trauma in children and make a child feel unworthy of love and respect.
Teasing is also part of shaming. When parents of family members mock or tease a child it is an act of shaming them.
Before teasing or embarrassing your child for your own laugh, think about how it will ultimately affect your child. Please do not tease or shame your children!
Emotional Avoidance
Many parents were raised in a generation where emotional awareness was not often discussed. As a child, my emotions were not even acknowledged by my parents, schools, church, etc. Emotions were not discussed and feelings were not recognized or valued.
Fortunately, things have changed and emotional health is an important part of child-rearing. Parents and school systems have identified the importance of emotional needs in children.
Children who do not have their emotional needs tended to may create problems looking for affection or attention.
Neglecting or avoiding children’s emotional struggles is one of the parenting mistakes that can cause a child to experiment with negative and dangerous behaviors.
Children may begin hanging out in hazardous environments, with unsafe people, and doing risky things.
Now, parents have an opportunity to be included in their child’s emotional health and discuss strategies for finding solutions.
Parents can and should acknowledge children’s emotional challenges and determine plans to support their children through their emotional journeys.
Favoritism in Children
Parents may often not realize they are showing favoritism to one child or another. But children do!
Expressing favoritism can start during pregnancy with one parent or the other hoping, or wishing for one gender or the other. Although parents say they only desire a healthy baby, sometimes they feel disappointed when the gender is revealed.
Playing favorites among children is one of the parenting mistakes that can lead to trauma in children.
Additionally, trauma can occur in children who are being shown favoritism as well as the child who is not. “Favorite” children may feel and understand their siblings’ lack of attention or affection which can create unhealthy sibling rivalry.
Mothers and fathers must be aware that showing favoritism, even if it is unintentional, can generate insecurity and emotional problems for the child.
Parents need to focus on giving all of their children equal attention, affection, and adoration so they can learn to become successful and secure individuals.
Perfection Expectations
New parents typically have a mapped-out plan of expectations for their child. Typically, they decide on childcare needs, educational paths, and extracurricular opportunities before their baby’s first birthday!
Whether consciously or unconsciously, parents have perfection expectations woven within these established plans. Yet, these perfection expectations are among the biggest parenting mistakes of all.
Of course, parents need to lead and guide their children. But children should not be expected to follow every command laid out to them by their parents.
All children are not created to become great athletes or brilliant scholars. Therefore, if parents construct an environment of perfection, both the child and the parent will be extremely disappointed.
Parents should be an encouraging force behind their children. Overwhelming children to be perfect in all aspects of their life will make them feel they are letting their parents down.
These negative emotions can cause stress and anxiety in children and trigger long-term low-esteem issues.
Trust and Control
At some point, parents need to acknowledge that they cannot control everything their children are doing outside of their view.
Trusting and allowing your child to explore the world outside of parenting eyesight is important to parents and children.
Although parents may feel they need to control their child’s behaviors, situations, and activities, overly controlling your child’s life will lead to resentment in your child.
Parents should trust that their children can make their own decisions, and not make them feel suffocated by making decisions for them.
Trying to protect children from every negative interaction in the world will make them feel they are lacking the skills needed to become a confident person.
Don’t allow yourself as a parent to make these parenting mistakes of trust and control for your child. Give them the freedom and independence they need so they can become a resilient and happy individual.
Resilient Parenting
Most parents aim to do the best they can for their children. They do not intend to make parenting mistakes while raising their children. But parents are human and often they become overwhelmed.
With this, they may react negatively or overreact in a specific situation. As children get older, situations change. Environments change. Children go off to school and encounter other children and parents who are much different from themselves. They learn from these differences.
It is often said that problems get bigger and more complex the older children get. Children become more independent in their thoughts and their actions.
They become capable individuals who make their own decisions, determine their own friendships and develop their own personalities.
As parents, we must be our children’s guide through life. Parents need to open doors to new experiences.
Also, the parent’s role is to show their children new opportunities in life as well as encourage their children to seek new interests for themselves.
Learning Through Parenting Mistakes
Regardless of your best intentions, all parents make parenting mistakes. Instead of beating yourself up for every parenting mistake, be more aware of your behaviors when parenting.
Take your time to breathe through the challenges, and focus on one issue at a time. When parents lead with love and understanding, they will find a better approach to parenting and prevent making parenting mistakes along the way.
Book Option: 12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid: Leading Your Kids to Succeed in Life at https://www.amazon.com/
TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS TO AVOID PARENTING MISTAKES
- Don’t expect to be a perfect parent or to have a perfect child. Your goal as a parent should not be perfection.
- Allow yourself to be your own type of parent. You do not need to follow your parents or friends’ advice. Trust in your own instincts and reach out to loved ones when you have questions.
- BE PATIENT with yourself and your child. Even the best-prepared plans will go wrong and have unexpected snags. Learn to see the humor and the beauty in the flops along with the successes!
- Accept that you are human and all humans make mistakes. Parenting is NOT an established science that can be easily executed. When you make parenting mistakes, learn from them and make a conscious effort to avoid the same mistake in the future.
- Parent with love, understanding, and respect for yourself, your partner, and your child.
- Relax, breathe, and enjoy the fun moments of parenting. You’re doing GREAT!
