Below See: TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS FOR GRANDPARENTS PARENTING GRANDCHILDREN
Grandparents Parenting Grandchildren
The emotional impact of grandparents parenting grandchildren is huge. Especially since the consequences affect both their child and their grandchild.
For many parents, including myself, it is difficult to admit that your grown child, the parent of your grandchild or grandchildren, can no longer parent their own children.
It is more than difficult. It is emotional and embarrassing, and humiliating! Sometimes, that’s hard to confess, but it’s true. I felt all of those emotions when the time came for me to seek legal custody of my two children.
As a mother of five grown children, I thought my parenting years were over. But, when my daughter was struggling with drugs, alcohol, and mental health issues, I became one of the millions of grandparents parenting children and my life completely changed!
How Life Changes for Grandparents Parenting Grandchildren
Yes, it is hard to admit that your child is unable to care for her children, your grandchildren. It is hard to admit to friends, family, school, work, church, etc. that you have gained custody of a grandchild or grandchildren, due to the behaviors of their parent(s), your daughter. That’s hard!!!
Honestly, I have friends and family who are still angry with my daughter for not being responsible enough to raise her own children and putting me in that predicament.
But these are my grandchildren. If I didn’t take them, where would that leave them? Foster care? Living a dysfunctional life with dysfunctional parents? It was a hard decision, but I knew it was the only decision I could make for the children.
For more information about Getting Custody of a Grandchild, see: https://raisinggrandkids.com/custody-of-a-grandchild-or-child/
Why Are So Many Grandparents Raising Grandchildren?
Grandparents are raising their grandchildren for a number of reasons. Yet, it is noted that these numbers have increased over the past 10 years due to the opioid crisis.
AARP, American Association of Retired Persons, states several reasons why grandparents end up raising grandchildren, such as:
- Drugs and alcohol addictions
- Incarceration of a parent or parents
- Violence and abuse
- Death of a parent or parents
- Mental illness
- Poverty
- Divorce
- Military deployment
- Teen Pregnancy
Other Reasons For Grandparents Raising Grandkids May Include:
- Substance abuse
- Child abuse and neglect
- Physical illness or disease
- Disabled children
- Abandonment
Why Grandparents Should Not Raise Grandchildren
Sleeplessness:
Sleeplessness may be extremely difficult for those grandparents parenting grandchildren who are very young, and/or small babies. These children typically have not established a steady, consistent sleep pattern.
Often younger children, such as my granddaughter, may experience fears and night terrors. They may become overwhelmed and frightened in the middle of the night.
Therefore, grandparents may be waking up several times throughout the night to comfort their grandchildren back to sleep.
Sleep is extremely important to children and to grandparents parenting grandchildren to maintain their busy daily schedules.
Exhaustion:
Of course, if you’re not getting enough sleep, you will most likely feel exhausted. But, honestly, the feeling of exhaustion extends much further than sleep.
Without sleep, you may feel mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted by the end of the day when raising grandkids.
For me, both of my grandchildren have special needs, one is on the autism spectrum, and the other has ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, so daily life can be exhausting!
Adding school and extracurricular activities to daily routines also increases the amount of exhaustion! Plus, as a grandparent, it’s difficult trying to keep up with 30 or 40-something-year-old moms. It’s EXHAUSTING!!!
Loneliness:
Loneliness can come in many forms. For me, I missed my outings, my friends, my freedom, and my other life. Most times, I feel really, really lonely and stuck. Truthfully, my friends don’t understand my situation, and many of them have negative feelings toward my daughter (my grandkid’s mom).
I often have negative feelings towards her too! But I don’t openly talk about it because I know I couldn’t change the situation I was facing at that time. So, I did and continue to do what I need to do for my grandkids.
And over the years both they and their mother, my daughter, continue to improve and develop, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Isolation:
Along with loneliness comes isolation. Yes, you can be and feel lonely without being isolated. But, when you’re a grandparent in your 50’s and 60’s raising grandchildren, people notice.
Privacy:
Before gaining custody of my grandchildren, which I jokingly refer to as BK, “before kids”, I was a night owl. Always stayed up late, and woke up early. That was my routine throughout my life.
But, as a grandparent parenting grandchildren, my routine had to change. I needed to lay in bed with my granddaughter every night in order for her to fall asleep.
Most nights, we would read together and even practice some meditation strategies we learned. I enjoyed being with her, but I lost a lot of my privacy and the alone time I used to have and desperately needed!
Problems Grandparents Parenting Grandchildren May Face
Some problems grandparents parenting grandchildren may face include time and space. For example, my husband and I had already raised five children, supported them through college, and watched them find success in their own careers.
I/we certainly were not looking to raise more children or take custody of my grandchildren. Honestly, I hadn’t even had enough time to enjoy being an empty nester.
Regardless, I knew my grandkids needed me. So, I went to court looking to gain custody of my two oldest grandchildren, and years later, with a better relationship with their mother, my daughter, they are still living with me.
Many people have told me over the years that my grandkids are lucky to have me, but what I have truly learned is that I am lucky I have them. And knowing they can always count on me is a blessing!
So, even when we don’t think or feel or believe we are capable of doing something outside of our comfort zone, we can! And we can do it with love, and grace, and strength.
Because being a parent is wonderful, but being a grandparent parenting grandchildren is a superpower!!
TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS FOR GRANDPARENTS PARENTING GRANDCHILDREN
- Patience, patience, patience! As parents, we may have lost our patience while raising our children. But as grandparents parenting grandchildren, we can be overwhelmingly patient!
- Do not let them see you sweat! REFRAIN FROM YELLING! Keeping a soft, steady tone of voice helps to quickly decrease upset emotions.
- It is important for grandparents parenting grandchildren to behave as parents and not grandparents. Establishing parental boundaries and guidelines helps children (including grandchildren) fully understand their rules and parameters.
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