Learning the Importance of Being a Grandparent
Here’s a little me about me.
Hi, I’m MomMom. At 58 years old, after raising 5 children of my own I was enjoying my career. I was not prepared to move our two grandchildren into our home.
My husband and I were just beginning to feel some sense of relief and freedom. All of our adult children were living on their own. Then, life threw us a curve ball. Our grandkids were moving in with us.
Luckily, we caught on quickly and haven’t looked back. We love our two oldest grandchildren with all of our hearts. We are truly blessed to have them growing up in our home.
To find support for grandparents visit Providing Support through Tips, Ideas & Suggestions for Parents & Grandparents Raising Grandkids:
Gaining Custody of a Grandchild
I knew it was necessary to take legal custody of my grandkids, but the decision wasn’t easy!
For many years my daughter struggled with mental health issues and addiction to both drugs and alcohol. As a teenager, I took her to therapy, found an alternative school for support and did what I thought was best to help her through her challenges. She struggled and I didn’t know what to do or where I should go for the support and guidance she really needed, but I tried.
I had four younger children at home to take care of, so I didn’t always provide the focus or attention she needed. I have many regrets for my actions at that time and I wish I could redo many of my decisions, but I obviously can’t.
After my daughter dropped out of college, she went through various stages of mental health ordeals, self-medicating, distancing herself from the family, etc. When she returned home from one of her getaways, she asked for my guidance and agreed to go into a rehabilitation facility.
While in rehab, she met a young man who eventually became her children’s father. Their relationship was on and off again for many years. While both found small pieces of sobriety in their relationship, neither of them could commit their daily lives to staying sober and fully caring for their kids.
It’s hard to admit that your child is unable to care for her own children, your grandchildren. It’s hard to admit that to friends, family, school, work, church, etc., you have gained custody of your grandchildren due to their parents’ behaviors, including your daughter. That’s hard!
I have friends & family who are still angry with my daughter for not being responsible enough to raise her own children and putting me in that predicament. But these are my grandchildren. If I didn’t take them, where would that leave them? Foster care? Living a dysfunctional life with dysfunctional parents? It was a hard decision, but I knew it was the only decision I could make for the kids.
Making life Adjustments for Raising Grandkids
My husband and I had already raised five children, supported them through college, and watched them find success in their own careers. I certainly wasn’t looking to raise more children. I hadn’t even had enough time to enjoy being an empty nester.
But, there I was in an emergency courtroom seeking legal custody of my 12-year-old grandson, who is on the autism spectrum, and my 8-year-old year grand-daughter, with Attention Deficient Hyperactive Disorder, ADHD. My adult children encouraged me to seek legal custody, offering their support, but in the end, I was alone in the courthouse filling out piles of paperwork in my name to request legal custody.
During this time my daughter, their mother, was in a Psychiatric unit after months of drug use and her own conspiracy therapies of abduction. Their dad’s whereabouts were unknown. So that day I became their legal guardian.
I didn’t know how difficult and different raising grandkids would be from raising my own kids. But I would learn, and I am continuing to learn the challenges. Years later, their mom, my daughter is sober and back in their lives on a visitation basis. They see their Dad too, on a much less frequent basis.
All in all, the struggles continue. Quarantining during COVID-19 was brutal, but we kept going, kept learning, and kept loving each other through the challenges and chaos!!
- What are your struggles as a Grandparent Raising Grandkids?
- What suggestions can you give me?
- How do you manage everything with your grandchildren?
I’d love to hear from other grandparents in similar situations? Please reach out and let me know how you handle your chaos! I’m looking forward to hearing from you. @raisinggrandkiddos@gmail.com