See Below TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS TO AVOID RAISING ENTITLED KIDS
Why I Raised Entitled Kids
I often wonder how and why I raised entitled kids. When I dig deep, I honestly believe it has a lot to do with my own upbringing.
I believe that the lack of attention and affection I received from my parents as a child, caused me to overprotect my own children.
Now, as a mother of five grown children, raising two grandkids, I need to identify the dangers of raising entitled kids as well as entitled grandkids.
Definition of Entitlement
The Merriam-Webster dictionary definition of entitlement covers the essence of entitled kids.
The definition states entitlement is the “fact of having to be right to something they want” and the “belief that one is deserving of certain privileges”.
Entitlement includes the “amount to which a person has a right” and the “belief of inherently deserving special treatment.”
Growing up Without Entitlement!
As a late Baby Boomer and early Gen Xer, I did not have many expectations from my parents. I knew I would be fed and have a place to sleep, but my personal needs and desires were never a priority in the family unit.
Growing up in the middle of a large family, made me, and my other middle sibs, almost invisible to our parents in many ways.
However, my siblings and I all had very defined responsibilities within the household. And, our wishes or opinions were not asked or considered by our parents.
They were our parents and as children, we were required to do what they wanted regardless of what we wanted.
During those years, neither I nor my siblings questioned our parent’s authority. We did what they asked without thinking or feeling a lack of fairness in their decisions.
Creating Unintentional Entitled Behavior
Our generation of children did as we were asked or required to do. We did not feel a loving bond or warm affection from our parents. Kids’ thoughts and opinions were not respected by teachers or by parents.
During those years, children were to be seen and not heard. So, most of us, especially me, remained quiet and did not want to rock the boat or get in trouble.
We kept our thoughts, feelings, and opinions to ourselves and felt like we didn’t matter. Not even to our parents.
Saying that out loud sounds really harsh. But sadly, I remember what it felt like as a child and believing that I truly didn’t matter! It was a miserable emotion to feel.
And because of those feelings, I was determined to become the total opposite type of parent from what my parents were. Which is unfortunately what caused me to raise entitled kids!
Being a mom, I wanted to always show my kids love and affection. I wanted to do for my kids, give to my kids, and be there for my kids.
So, I did! But, with me continually doing and giving to them, I did not allow them the opportunity to do for themselves.
I overdid and overcompensated for them, which caused them to become somewhat entitled. But over the years I learned I needed to give my children the opportunity to do for themselves.
Therefore, while my kids were growing up, I changed my parenting practices. I set out to make my goal as a parent to raise my children to become independent and self-sufficient.
I aimed to back away from entitlement and allow my children to grow and mature on their own, without my overdoing.
Happily, my children worked hard on their own, took responsibility for themselves, earned their education, and flew the coup. They are hard workers and not entitled! Whew!
Signs of Entitled Kids
Recognizing my downfalls in raising my own children, who are now grown and are not entitled adults, has helped me navigate strategies for raising my two grandchildren.
Unfortunately, I’ve noticed my grandkids are becoming a bit entitled! So, I need to act now and review these suggestions to avoid raising entitled grandkids!
Here are 10 suggestions and signs of entitled kids you should aim to avoid in your own children or grandchildren.
- Entitled kids argue or ignore rules and responsibilities at home. They refuse to do housework or household chores.
- Entitled kids lie and use excuses about completing things, such as schoolwork.
- Entitled kids are demanding. They feel they deserve to have all of their own needs met regardless of the needs of others.
- Most entitled kids feel they are owed things, such as money, gifts, updated technology, new clothes, and more for no reason.
- They believe they deserve to be given extravagant possessions just because of their existence.
- Entitled kids will easily throw a tantrum like a 2-year-old when you tell them NO.
- Entitled kids believe they should receive preferential treatment at all times, over other children and adults.
- Entitled kids blame others for their mistakes. Or blame parents or grandparents. They do not accept responsibility for their own mistakes.
- Entitled kids need to feel they are the center of everyone’s attention. They will act out or create havoc in order to be the focus.
- Entitled kids do not think of others. They are extremely self-motivated and self-absorbed.
- Entitled kids feel they deserve more than others and are never satisfied with what they have. They often complain they don’t have enough.
Entitled Teenagers
An entitled teenager feels that the world revolves around them and they are owed something. They believe they deserve special privileges, regardless of their behavior.
Entitled teenagers, like entitled kids, think of themselves first and typically consider their needs a priority over all others.
They are generally selfish and self-serving without the consideration of others.
As parents or grandparents raising grandkids…like me, it is important to try to recognize these traits in your teenager.
If you have an entitled teenager, it is not too late to establish healthy guidelines to avoid them becoming entitled adults.
How to Teach Kids to Be Grateful
It is important to start teaching your children to be grateful when they are very young.
For parents, being an example and showing respect to other people will show their children gratitude and appreciation for others and the world around them.
Here are a few tips to help you teach your kids to be grateful.
Teach Your Child Manners
Teaching your children manners will show them appreciation. Saying thank you to a stranger for holding the door demonstrates your gratitude towards others.
Educate your child on the importance of saying thank you when receiving gifts or kind gestures from family or friends.
Explain to your child that showing thankfulness makes others feel appreciated. For more about Teaching Manners, see How to Teach Your Child Manners And Respect.
Encourage Giving to Others
Children also feel grateful when they give to others. Giving to others can even be through a small act of kindness. Such as a smile or spending time with someone.
Some children may enjoy giving their toys or clothes they no longer use to other children. Or perhaps playing games or watching television with a family member.
Giving your time and attention to an elderly person or someone who may be lonely is a wonderful gift.
Teaching your children to care about other people’s time through small acts of kindness is a clear example of gratitude.
Volunteer Opportunities
Getting kids involved in volunteering opportunities, especially entitled kids, demonstrates the importance of service to others.
Volunteering for special interests or for the needs of others shows an understanding of other causes and other people.
Showing Appreciation
Showing appreciation for who you are and what you have expresses a strong sense of gratitude. Learning to appreciate the little things in life will show thankfulness all around you.
Watching a sunrise, a sunset, a beautiful rainbow, or a baby’s giggle can bring joy and appreciation for all of the wonderful happenings in the world!
Listening and Interacting with Your Children
Many parents think they talk to their children, but the truth is most parents talk AT their children. Parents, regardless of what they believe, generally do not engage in mutual conversation with their kids.
They give children instructions and directions, sometimes loudly and aggressively, but they seldom stop to truly interact and engage with their children.
Listening to our children is a vital skill all parents, grandparents, and guardians need to acquire. Parents will gain knowledge and understanding of their kids, even entitled kids, by effectively listening to what they have to say.
Truly connecting with your children will help them learn to be grateful for having you care about them.
The Me, Me, Me Epidemic
Are we as parents creating an atmosphere of entitlement? Are we fostering a me, me, me epidemic with our children?
Here are two of the biggest concerns parents should acknowledge if they see signs of entitled kids creeping into their household.
Start saying NO
Parents want to make their children happy, but you may be doing a disservice to your child by saying yes to nearly everything.
Most parents know that appeasing your child by saying yes is much easier at the time, than arguing with them.
However, children need to learn that when a parent says No, they mean No. If the child persists or pressures parents by whining, crying, and complaining, parents should ignore their pleas. Parents need to stick to their responses and not give in to their children.
Continuously, saying yes to your child creates a sense of entitlement, and teaches them if they fight and protest parents will give in to whatever the child wants, without accepting No as a response. Again, these behaviors cause and create entitled kids.
Establish Strong Boundaries
Establishing strong boundaries for all family members is extremely important. Especially for entitled kids and teens!
Creating clear rules and boundaries for everyone in the family to follow will help your teen understand their contribution to the house rules.
Be consistent with your child’s responsibilities and expectations. Remind them of your boundaries and do not allow them to cross your boundary lines.
To review other strategies regarding the Me, Me, Me Epidemic, check out Amy McCready’s book written for all parents called The Me, Me, Me Epidemic.
Goals to Avoid Raising Entitled Kids
Our goal as parents or grandparents raising grandkids is not to raise entitled kids. But, entitlement concerns can easily occur from time to time regardless of our intentions.
Talk to your children about the importance of following rules and being responsible for themselves and their belongings.
Teaching them to be grateful for what they have and have empathy for those who have less. Showing them to appreciate nature, animals and all people will allow them to grow as healthy individuals.
Working together with your children to discover who they are as a person will help them avoid becoming entitled adults.
We’re all in this world together. Let’s learn to appreciate one another respectfully.
TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS TO AVOID RAISING ENTITLED KIDS
- Say NO to your children, even when it is difficult! Parents know when they should say NO, but often say Yes to avoid confrontation.
- When you say NO, stick to your decision! Don’t let whining, begging, and complaining change your mind.
- Stay in control. Your children do not need to have EVERYTHING their friends have. If children want something special, they should save or earn money to buy it for themselves.
- Establish daily and weekly chores for your children. It is important for children to understand that everyone in the household has responsibilities.
- Set boundaries for yourselves and your children and be sure to follow the rules of those boundaries.
