Below See: TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS FOR RAISING TEENAGERS
My Experiences Raising Teenagers
As a mother of five grown children, now raising my two teenage grandchildren, I have deeply felt, and currently feel, every one of these agonizing emotions while raising teenagers!
Although many of the years between 13 and 19 can be filled with exploration and excitement for teens and parents, there tends to be a great deal of anxiety and apprehension as well.
While I fully believe that every child and teenager is different and unique, these 13 agonizing emotions in raising teenagers are generally felt by everyone who is raising them.
This post may include affiliate links, which means I will receive a small commission if you purchase through my link, at no additional cost to you. For full disclosure read here.
1. Teenage Independence
I don’t know about you, but I’ve always been the kind of parent and grandparent who likes to know where their children are and what activities they’re involved in.
So, when my teenagers began to ask for more independence, I needed to take notice. Frankly, I needed to back off a bit. But, backing off was (is) a bit hard for me, even as a grandparent raising teenagers.
Independence can be a scary thought for parents. Thinking about your kids being alone, without supervision can be extremely intimidating! Allowing your teen, especially a young teen, freedom, and independence is nerve-racking. Especially at night!
Furthermore, letting teens out by themselves at night feels like you’re opening the door to the unknown. But parents know that at some point, it’s necessary to open our doors and our hearts and let our kids fly by themselves. At least for short intervals of time!!
2. Curfew for Teens: Letting Kids Out in the Dark!
Years ago, I remember when my oldest daughter asked if she could walk to her friend’s house when it was dark outside. Honestly, I was taken aback!
I hadn’t even considered her going out alone in the dark. But here I was, faced with her question and no rational reason why she couldn’t walk to her friends’ house.
Fortunately, our neighborhood is safe. But, in the crazy world, we live in, “safe” does not mean “without harm”. So, I truly grappled with the idea before agreeing. In the end, she was fine and safe.
But that experience opened my eyes to what was ahead as my children yearned for their own sense of independence, not really from me. Probably more for themselves!
The truth is, it wasn’t that long ago that my kids were teenagers striving for their independence. Regardless of how nervous I was, I needed to loosen my apron strings and allow them their freedom.
As parents and grandparents, it’s important to let teenagers discover who they are, on their own. At times raising teenagers is daunting. But, allowing your children to be independent will let them determine their own interests as an individual and make decisions by themselves.
3. Decision-Making for Teens
While raising teenagers to become independent, they will often be faced with the important task of decision-making.
With teens’ newfound freedom, they will be faced with having to make decisions on their own. Of course, parents are always concerned if their children will make good decisions. The truth is, sometimes they will, and sometimes they won’t!
Typically, teens’ decisions will revolve around their friend’s ideas and opinions. However, teenage decision-making scenarios may change from minute to minute.
Many situations or circumstances may be difficult decisions for teenagers to make. Here are a few steps to help you and your teen decide on a strategic decision-making process.
Strategies to Improve Decision-Making Skills for Teens Include:
- Identify the issue or problem
- Determine choices and options
- Discuss various ideas and/or alternative ideas
- Write down the pros and cons of each decision
- Think about the best overall outcome
- Ask for support and guidance
- Put the plan into action
- Establish decision results
Frankly, it may be less stressful for some teens if parents can provide assistance with decision-making. Including parents or another knowledgeable person may allow teens an opportunity to view all options before making a decision.
However, as teenagers mature, parents will not always be there when decisions need to be made. Therefore, providing guidance and support when possible, may ultimately lead to positive results for teens’ decisions.
4. Personal Differences
All generations differ from previous generations. It’s a natural flow of life when raising teenagers. Yet, parents frequently get disturbed or upset when their teenagers share different opinions from themselves.
For teens, defining different ideas and insights from parents is very common and normal. Most of us experienced a personal shift of opinions from our parents during our teenage years.
Teens may acquire different opinions on political, religious, and social issues that parents share. At times, this may cause friction between parents and teenagers.
However, when raising teenagers, it’s essential for parents to respect their teenager’s individual opinions without insult and shame.
Again, allowing teenagers to be independent helps them make their own decisions and determinations of the world around them.
5. Teen Styles
Another reality that parents notice when raising teenagers is a new sense of style. Most teenage styles typically mimic other teenagers.
Teenagers generally hang out with friends with similar interests and similar styles. Teens can be quite cliquey, and dress according to their own friend groups.
Teen fashion trends also include hairstyles as well as clothing and shoe choices.
In raising teenagers, parents can set limits on extreme styles their teens want to explore, but it’s important to be reasonable with your restrictions.
Trying to understand your teen’s perspective about their style choices may be the best approach. Showing their uniqueness to parents and others may help teens make a personal statement about their individual choices.
Also, learning to compromise with your teen over their personal style decisions will allow them an opportunity to consider your opinion as well as their own.
6. Teenage Interests
As your teen gets older, parents may often notice a shift in their hobbies and interests. It’s not unusual for teens who have played a specific sport all of their childhood to become interested in another type of sport or lose interest in sports entirely.
In childhood children generally, play the sport that parents encourage them to do. Children may enjoy playing the sport and even excel.
But in their teenage years, they may have a change of heart and lose interest in pursuing that particular sport.
This may also apply to hobbies or other activities teens participated in as a child. Teenage interests frequently change.
Often, when raising teenagers parents may notice their teenagers may have no hobbies or interests, which can be of concern. All parents raising teenagers should openly discuss all concerns and provide support as needed.
Although teenage interests may fluctuate as teens get older, there are many hobbies for young adults if they choose to pursue them.
Again, their interests and activities may be due to their friend’s activities or it may be the curiosity of trying something new.
Either way, it is important parents encourage teens to pursue new interests in all activities, sports, and other hobbies.
7. Teenage Friendships
Watching your children morph into a teen can sometimes feel overwhelming. Another overwhelming factor that happens in the teenage years is the shift of family priority in your teen’s life.
Meaning, as children, parents are generally the most important people in their lives. Of course, as far as security and safety go, this will or should always remain true.
However, as far as closeness goes, teenage friendships become an immensely important factor in a teen’s life.
Now, the interesting and sometimes funny thing about the family/friend shift is that teenage friendships can change on a regular basis.
Many times, there are teenage friendship problems, which can cause friction among the friend group. There may also be toxic teenagers that make poor decisions and may lead your teen in a negative direction. Look out for those friends and be sure your teen is cautious!
As family typically remains consistent, teens begin to pull away. And many teen friendships are erratic and very inconsistent. Nonetheless, whoever your teen is befriending at the time may hold more value or importance than family.
I say this lightly and in jest, because teenagers still love their families and still understand the importance of their families in their life.
But teens also need friendships to feel included and wanted in a friend group. This feeling is very common through the teenage years, especially in younger teens learning their independence.
Therefore, when raising teenagers, it’s important to allow your teens time with their friends, but impress upon them the significance of family in their life.
Friends will change over the years. But family will remain with them throughout their lives.
8. Teenage Puberty
Watching your barely developed child go through puberty is difficult for parents. We see our children as fresh offspring still learning their way around the playground.
The truth is, many children going through puberty aren’t ready for puberty either. Typically, signs of puberty scare kids. They don’t particularly want their bodies to change.
Most kids are comfortable with their childhood lives and don’t want to be disrupted by growing breasts, hair growing in unusual places, squeaky voices, and menstrual cycles.
Parents may also begin to act differently toward their pubescent teen. However, behaving oddly around children going through puberty makes both children and parents feel uncomfortable.
The best course of action is to address the subject and remind your child that puberty is a stage of life that everyone goes through. Sometimes it can be awkward, but it doesn’t have to be.
Using books and videos while discussing teenage development and puberty symptoms can be very helpful. But if they are not ready to talk, respect their decision.
Children may need their own timeframe before asking questions about puberty. However, be sure to leave the door open if they ever want to talk about it.
Check out these books about puberty that are somewhat humorous and helpful! Raising teenagers going through puberty is hard. This information may help both you and your teenager understand the development process in puberty better.
9. Buying Teenage Undergarments
Even before full puberty, many children may need personal undergarments. Buying bras for girls and athletic supporters (jockstraps) and jock cups for boys is a natural rite of passage.
Boys also have the option of wearing boxer briefs tight-fitting underwear. These boxer briefs provide an internal jockstrap hammock that can be worn in place of an athletic supporter. This style may also be easier for boys to use.
However, it may be extremely embarrassing to some kids. Especially if Dad is buying bras and Mom is buying jockstraps. But it happens all the time.
Both kids and parents should discuss the situation openly before going shopping. They should understand that buying undergarments is not a big deal for parents.
Yet, making children feel relaxed and heard about their concerns is important.
Although buying undergarments is an obvious sign of our children growing up, it certainly can be an agonizing emotion for parents.
Great Options for Girls
Here are a few great options for girls as well. These 4 bralettes/camis are seamless and wireless and perfect for any use. There are simple but cute and supportive!
Most teens like wearing seamless, comfortable panties under their clothes. These soft cotton underwear are low-rise and breathable for all-day or all-night wear.
Period (menstrual) panties are the BEST product on the market! Believe it or not, these panties protect girls and women throughout their cycle. Period panties come with various protection options during your menstrual cycle. A GREAT gift at any time! Check out the 6 pack of leakproof period panties your teen will love!
10. Teenage Relationships
Often times in elementary school, young children claim to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Typically, it’s cute and humorous. Parents generally do not feel worried or disturbed by a childhood romance.
However, parents get nervous when teens discuss having a girlfriend or boyfriend. They ask lots of questions, discuss specific guidelines, and may even scramble to determine dating rules.
But, “dating” as a Gen Z teen has a different set of parameters than parents and/or grandparents had as teens.
“Dating”, “Going Out” & “Relationships” are all a thing of their own. Parents raising teenagers should ask questions, but understand that young teens “dating” is much different from older teen relationships.
For more information about dating, see What is The Best Age to Start Dating.
11. Teenage Drug Use & Teenage Alcohol Use
Teenage drug use is argumentatively one of the parents’ BIGGEST worries. With an increase in drug use over the past years, the thought of our children falling into drug use is terrifying.
Sadly, teenage drug use, regardless of how minimal, can lead teens to attempt other forms of drugs. With the opioid epidemic stealing the lives of teenagers and young adults, parents may overreact at the thought of any type of drug use.
And rightfully so. Teenage drug addiction is sweeping homes, schools, and communities, which is devastating to parents and family members.
Additionally, teenage alcohol abuse is extremely prevalent. Teenagers may begin sampling alcohol innocently but may enjoy the sensation while drinking.
Since teens often feel insecure about themselves, many may use alcohol to make them feel more self-assured.
Yet, as teenage alcohol use increases, more teens continue to feel less secure and confident about themselves and their choices.
Therefore, parents raising teenagers need to be a sounding board of support for teens struggling with either drug or alcohol abuse.
For more information on drug use and abuse go to the National Drug Helpline or call 1-844-289-0879.
Additional information for alcohol and/or drug use at Recovery Center of America or call 1-877-627-9249.
12. Teenage Sexuality
All parents are concerned about teenagers’ sexual activities. However, sexuality is part of who your teenager is.
Although parents are nervous about the thought of their children being sexually active, it’s important to try to understand teenage sexual behaviors.
The majority of teenagers experiment with some type of sexual behavior. As they begin to develop, they will learn about sexual attraction and try to discover their own sexual identity.
During these developmental years, it is important parents remain open to discussing teenage sexuality issues. Teens need to learn how to make choices about their own bodies.
They also need to understand their responsibility for making healthy decisions about their own sexual choices. Parents can be an example for teens by sharing their values and morals with their children.
While raising teenagers, discussing sexuality and/or concerns through honest communication demonstrates respect for the parent-child relationship.
For more information about Teenage Sexuality and Gender identity.
13. Trusting Teens
Trusting teens can be really hard! Honestly, I think it’s hard for both parents and teens. As parents, we’ve experienced “little white lies” from our children, and generally, we address them and move on.
Parents try explaining the importance of trust to a child, but often it is brushed off or ignored. But now they are no longer raising young children, we are raising teenagers.
And although we may understand the importance of trust between parent and child, it’s hard not to question their actions. Also, continually reminding teens that trusting them does not mean parents should or will allow them total freedom.
Creating limits is an important strategy parents should establish and enforce. Determining how much privacy should a teenager have may be based on your teen’s past behaviors.
Obviously, trusting teens is extremely important, but keep in mind that no one is perfect, and teenagers will make mistakes. Therefore, rebuilding trust with your child may be an ongoing process throughout their teenage years.
Nevertheless, it is very important parents show love and build healthy relationships with their teenagers regardless of their mistakes.
The Power of Parental Support
In the end, all parents, and grandparents raising grandkids, will experience these 13 agonizing emotions while raising teenagers.
Although many of these issues may be extremely difficult to face with your teenager, remember that with your love, guidance, and support, they will mature beyond these challenging years and become fantastic young adults!
YOU GOT THIS!!
Here are some book choices that help provide support for all parents and grandparents raising teenagers!!
This post may include affiliate links, which means I will receive a small commission if you purchase through my link, at no additional cost to you. For full disclosure read here.
TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS FOR RAISING TEENAGERS
- Be respectful, but be firm.
- Be sure your teenager is TRUSTWORTHY before you totally trust them!
- Parents have the final say, SO STICK TO YOUR DECISIONS, and don’t let your teen talk (or double talk) you out of your decisions!! (But consider flexibility with your decisions!)
- YOU ARE NOT YOUR CHILD’S FRIEND!!
- YOU ARE THEIR PARENT, THEIR GUIDE, THEIR SUPPORT & THEIR AUTHORITY.
- DON’T CONFUSE THOSE TWO RELATIONSHIPS!
- Regardless of the circumstances, always show your teenager love and affection! Remember, raising teenagers is hard, but they are your babies!
- A tight hug or even a rub on the arm is extremely important to express warmth and show how much you care.
- Even if they pull away, deep down they want and need your affection!!!!
