Below See: TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS FOR TEACHING MANNERS AND RESPECT TO CHILDREN
Teaching Manners and Respect
Teaching manners and respect to children begins at home. No one is capable of teaching manners and respect without having and showing these skills every day.
As a mother of five, and now raising two grandchildren, I have always demonstrated manners and respect with everyone. Including my children and grandchildren.
If manners are taught and practiced at home with family members, children will see examples of mannerly behavior and express their own manners in school and outside of the home.
Showing your own manners around children shows them that being mannerly and polite is standard behavior for adults as well as children.
What are Manners?
The definition of the word manners states “a way in which a thing is done or happens” and “a person’s outward bearing or way of behaving toward others.”
Manners are a way to show appreciation for something. They demonstrate gratitude when you receive something or when you are asking for something.
Expressing mannerly behavior also shows kindness and respect towards others. It is said that good manners are one of the most important qualities for children and adults throughout your lifetime.
10 Good Manners
Without a doubt, the first manners kids see, hear, and learn are Please and Thank You! Learning these two primary manners generally becomes a habit from watching and seeing parents, caretakers, and others around them.
Parents, grandparents, caretakers and just about everyone, refer to “please” and “thank you” as the “magic words”.
Teaching your child these very basic manners demonstrate an early sign of politeness and respect from your children.
- Please: Use “Please” when asking or requesting something
- Thank You: Say “Thank You” when you are given something. This includes a gift or a compliment.
- Sharing: Sharing shows you think of others and want to help them by sharing something you have and they don’t have.
- Turn Taking: Taking turns with others can be very difficult for young children. However, learning to take turns shows patience and waiting skills that are important to have.
- Turn-taking also includes not interrupting conversations. It is important to teach children to wait to talk without interrupting conversations.
- When children see or hear others talking, they should say excuse me if they want to say something or add b. something to the discussion.
- Of course, this does not apply to emergent or unavoidable situations.
- Eye Contact: Maintaining eye contact with someone who is talking to you shows you care about what they are saying.
- Atypical children may have difficulty looking people in the eye. I found a little trick for children to look people in the eye. I ask the child to look and remember the color of the person’s eyes they are talking to. Looking at the person’s eye color helps them focus on looking for the actual color rather than holding eye contact!
- Smile: A simple smile shows others you are friendly.
- Saying Excuse Me: Excusing yourself if you burp is an important manner to show respect for those around you.
- Apologizing: Saying you are sorry for something that happened or a negative behavior shows you are taking responsibility for the action.
- Parents and grandparents should keep in mind when children apologize, they need to understand what they are apologizing for. Blind apologies without changing one’s behavior in the future are inconsiderate and meaningless.
- Cursing or using foul language: Regardless of your best efforts, children hear and pick up foul language in a variety of places. Children often tend to repeat what they hear. Teaching children that foul language or curse words are not polite and can show disrespect to others.
- Saying Rude or Disrespectful Things About Someone: Remember the old saying, “Kids say the Darndest Things”. Well, that is very true! Many times, kids say what they are thinking without realizing it could be rude or disrespectful.
- Explaining to children that it is important to not talk negatively about others is an essential manner for them to learn.
Learning manners and respect are part of growing up. Children will learn more rules of politeness when they attend educational programs or extracurricular activities.
A standard and fundamental rule to remember for children and adults is to treat others the way you want to be treated. Keeping this in mind will give everyone a clear understanding of politeness and respect.
How to Teach Kids Manners
The most significant key to teaching kids manners is by having good manners yourself. Parents, grandparents, and caretakers need to set a good example for manners.
Consistently showing politeness and respect in front of children demonstrates the importance of always being mannerly.
When teaching kids manners be sure to be realistic with your expectations. Expecting toddlers to sit still or be quiet in certain environments may be too difficult for their age.
Additionally, tired or overly excited children may not be able to control themselves at times. Be patient!
Practice using manners with family members and close friends. When your children use their manners, be sure to praise their efforts. Giving positive reinforcement is a good method to show children you are proud of them.
Be sure to provide opportunities for your child to demonstrate their ability to be mannerly in appropriate circumstances.
Age-Appropriate Manners
It is important to understand age-appropriate manners from toddlers and young children through their teenage years.
Here are a few ideas to help guide your child to use manners and respect at mealtime and elsewhere.
Ages 1-2 years old
At this age, your child is continuously learning about themselves and the world around them. This is a perfect age to teach them how to use the “magic words” of “Please” and “Thank you”.
This is also an age to introduce saying “excuse me” when burping, tooting, or bumping into someone.
Children this age should say “I’m sorry” for hitting or hurting others. Showing empathy is important for children to learn at a young age.
Ages 3-6 years old
Learning social skills usually begins in preschool and grade school. Socializing with other kids, teachers, and other parents helps children realize the importance of manners in social settings.
Age-appropriate manners to practice for 3-6-year-olds are:
- Sharing toys and other items with other kids
- Turn-taking with other children and siblings
- Not hitting, keeping hands to themselves
- No name-calling or teasing
- Able to pick up toys and clothes
- Use good listening skills
- Not interrupting conversations
- Help set and clear items during mealtimes
- Acknowledge others by saying hello and good-bye
Ages 7-10 years old
Between 7-10 years old children should be using their manners every day, and everywhere. Manners and respect must be continually practiced at home, at friends’ homes, at school, and in every public area.
Children 7-10 years old should always be aware of the importance of using their manners even when they are away from their parents.
Some of those manners include:
- Responsible to follow set rules and boundaries by parents, teachers, and other trusted individuals
- Use appropriate language at all times
- Do not purposefully insult or hurt others’ feelings
- Show respect for others
- Give polite greetings to others
- Use proper table manners at home and in friends’ or family’s homes
- Good table manners include:
- Washing hands and face (if necessary) before meals
- Do not eat with your hands. Use proper eating utensils
- Use a napkin to clean hands and face off
- Pass items to others at the table
- Do not reach over others. Ask for items to be passed to you.
- Chew with your mouth closed.
- Keep your elbows off the table
- Bring your food to your mouth. Don’t drop your chin to the table!
- Do not make loud chewing noises while eating
- Stay seated at the table until everyone is finished
- Do not have or use your phone or devices during mealtime
- Ask permission to leave the table when everyone is finished
- Don’t complain about the food
- Good table manners include:
Ages 11-13 years old
Between 11-13 years old, it is important to feel confident that your child is a good guest in someone else’s home.
Parents may need to remind their children to follow rules and always be on their best behavior.
Children this age may feel comfortable in certain homes and with certain families. However, be sure your child is not overstaying their welcome. Here are some manners to follow in friends’ homes.
- Always use appropriate table manners (see list above)
- Be respectful when others are talking
- Do not interrupt others when talking
- Do not name-call or tease others
- No cursing or foul language
- Help set up and clean up at meals
- Thank family members when leaving
Ages 14-18 years old
Often teens between 14-18 yearn for their independence and ignore parents or guardians. Regardless, teenagers are still too young to make many decisions for themselves.
Teens need to continue to show respect toward their parents and others. Additionally, it is important that parents show their teenagers respect as well.
Having and showing mutual respect for one another will help both parents and teens navigate the next stage into young adulthood.
Having good manners at this age will help establish success for teens when they become adults. Manners and respect rules 14–18-year-old teens should follow are:
- Showing respect for parents, grandparents, and other adults
- Helping others, including parents, grandparents, and siblings
- Take responsibility for finding a job and earning money
- Research ideas and plans for the future
- Maintain good manners and respect for others
The more parents reinforce children using their manners, the better chance they will have of developing good behaviors at home and in public.
Understanding more about manners and respect, see The Simple Truths About Parenting.
What Does it Mean to Respect Someone
Respecting someone means that you value their opinions and feelings even if they are different from your own.
You can show someone respect by accepting who they are as a person, regardless if their beliefs and interests are not the same as yours.
Respect means treating others with trust and valuing them for who they are.
Examples of Respect
Some examples of respect are similar to maintaining good manners.
- Be polite and kind
- Listen to other people’s opinions
- Do not interrupt others while talking
- Be aware of your tone and affect when talking
- Help others
- Be considerate of others
Importance of Respect for Others
The importance of respect for others allows an opportunity to establish and build relationships with a variety of other people.
Showing respect for others shows you care about developing positive relationships.
Having respect for others also gives one a sense of pride and self-confidence. And, when we show others respect, we feel respected in return.
Respect for Parents
Wikipedia’s definition: of “Respect for Parents” is:
Parental respect refers to deference and associated actions directed towards one’s parent(s). In most societies, parental respect is a virtuous disposition.
I think that is a very technical definition for a very simple statement. Respect for parents should be an expected sense of honor and loyalty children feel towards their parents.
Of course, they are exceptions to every rule, but for the most part, parents dedicate their adult lives to their children.
Without training or preparation, parents figure out how to raise babies into toddlers, young children, adolescents, teens, and into adulthood. Honestly, it’s more than a full-time job!
Earning respect comes along with years of sacrifice parents make every day of their parenting lives.
Regardless if parents have made mistakes along the way….because none of us are perfect….parents love their children unconditionally. So, feeling respected is worth the hard work and devotion of parenthood.
How to Show Respect to a Child
Although it is important to have respect for parents, it is also important to show respect to a child. Giving and showing respect to a child is an excellent example of being a good role model.
Some ways to show respect for your child include:
- Listen to them. Do not ignore what they are telling you. Value their information and listen
- Don’t cut them off. Yes, they may take longer to tell you a story or beat around the bush but don’t interrupt them or cut them off.
- Talk to your child with respect. Do not talk down to them or baby-talk them during conversations.
- Do not snoop! Searching through your child’s belongings sends a message you do not trust them.
- If you fear something is dangerous you may need to take action, but talk to them about it first before searching.
- Give them praise and kudos just for being them.
- Don’t laugh at them or make fun of them in any way! Teasing and joking are HUGE signs of disrespect. No one should be teasing your children, ESPECIALLY parents and family members!
- Allow them alone time. Giving children space shows you respect their time being alone.
The old…very old adage that children are to be seen and not heard is long gone! And happily, in its place is an opportunity to give your child the respect they deserve as a family member.
Showing respect for your children will benefit both parents and children now and in future relationships.
Overall Importance of Manners and Respect
Knowing and teaching the fundamentals of manners and respect to children are vital stepping stones in life.
Understanding the rules and practice of manners and respect with help develop polite behaviors in children throughout their lifetime.
I know that as a mom and a grandmom, there is a huge significance and importance in using manners at home, at school, and in public places.
Learning and using proper manners and respect shows others you not only respect yourself and those around you.
TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS FOR TEACHING MANNERS AND RESPECT TO CHILDREN
- Start young. Babies and toddlers can learn manners very young by watching and listening.
- Be a good role model. Parents and grandparents need to use their manners and respect around their children. The most important lesson children will learn is from parents setting a good example.
- Encourage manners with your children in and outside of the home.
- Be firm but loving while teaching your children manners and respect.
- Show your children respect. If you expect to be respected, it is necessary to give respect in return.
