See Below: TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS WHEN YOU FEEL, I DON’T LIKE MY CHILD!
Why I Don’t Like My Child
Of course, all parents and grandparents are embarrassed to say that I don’t like my child! The truth is, all children are very hard to like sometimes. And when I say sometimes, I really mean much of the time! Parenting is HARD!
If you are a grandparent raising grandkids, like me, you understand the particular difficulties your grandkids may have endured when they were very young.
And because you recall their past circumstances, you may make concessions and excuses for their behavior. It’s only natural. I am definitely guilty of making excuses for my grandkids. But I’m learning that excuses do not help as they mature.
The reality is, if you are raising grandkids, your grandchildren may have more opportunities than your own children had. At least that is true for me.
As a mother of five children, now grown, I wasn’t always available to provide my full attention to each of them when they were growing up.
Now, I spend most of my time and attention on raising my two grandchildren, which is more consuming and intense than I anticipated when they moved in.
Although I have years of experience parenting, not raising my grandchildren from birth has thrown an emotional monkey wrench into past emotional baggage I am struggling to unload!
Nonetheless, the challenges of raising a child or children with past unexplored trauma can leave me and other parents and even grandparents wondering why I don’t like my child.
I Don’t Like My Child!
Is It Normal to Not Like Your Child?
Raising children is hard, so naturally, there will always be periods of time when parents ask, is it normal to not like your child?
The answer is yes. Regardless of how wonderful children are, all parents and grandparents may experience thinking I don’t like my child!
Although most parents have those feelings, they generally choose to keep them to themselves. But, expressing the fact that, I don’t like my child, may actually give parents and grandparents, an opportunity to work through their own feelings and find resolutions for their deep-rooted emotions.
Additionally, as your child gets older, they go through numerous phases of life, which can be challenging for parents as well as children.
Frankly, toddlers are adorable, but they are also little rebellious monsters! Regardless of how much you love them, toddlers make all parents wonder why I don’t like my child.
Naturally, you love your toddler, but sometimes you just need to hide in a closet with a glass of wine and pretend they don’t exist. (Considering all safety precautions of course!)
As children grow up, the world around them expands. Over time, other variables become part of their daily lives, such as daycare, friends, school, teachers, and other parents.
Other major changes occur when children go through their adolescent and teenage years. Hormones begin to heighten and behaviors increase. During adolescent and teen years parents see power struggles begin in their children.
Unfortunately, both parents and older children, mostly teens, believe their way is the “right” way, which can create chaos and conflict. During these years of turmoil, parents can admit, I don’t like my child.
In the same vein, children also feel they don’t like their parents. Therefore, to avoid continual family clashes, it is important to focus on learning how to like and love your child through the problematic years.
Throughout the various phases and stages in a child’s life, parents will understand that it is normal to not like their child from time to time.
See The Simple Truths About Parenting for additional resources.
Strategies to Identify Why I Don’t Like My Child
What should you do when you internally acknowledge that, I don’t like my child?
For parents, grandparents, guardians, etc. learning how to react and what to do when you dislike your child is vitally important!
These strategies can help you balance your mindset when asking yourself, why I don’t like my child?
- Recognize the feelings of dislike you are having towards your child and what generates those feelings.
- Try to pinpoint the deeper meaning or source of your feelings of dislike.
- Are there hidden reasons you feel you don’t like your child? If so, identify the cause.
- Intentionally focus on finding particular traits and details you do like about your child.
- Determine reasonable expectations to find likable qualities about your child.
- For example, do they have different interests than you? Are your child’s interests a trigger for you? Don’t get angry or frustrated if cannot understand or appreciate your child’s interests.
- Don’t get upset if your child does not enjoy something you enjoy, such as athletics or sports!
- Respect their individuality!
- Their differences are special to them. Learn how to value their personality!
- Acknowledge your child’s differences and focus on appreciating their own uniqueness.
Additional Ideas for What to Do When You Dislike Your Child
- Compose a list of three traits, talents, or abilities your child enjoys doing or excels in and document those things.
- Note reasons why your child is good at these things and add them to your list.
- Include three additional attributes you like or love about your child.
- This can contain simple things, like the color of their hair, funny attitude, or athletic ability.
- Add why you like these things about your child to your list.
- Write what you like to do with your child. Such as shopping, riding bikes, playing board games, watching a movie, cooking, etc., and why you like doing this activity with them.
- Regardless of how you feel inside, be sure to stay positive and show an optimistic attitude toward your child.
- Although you may be struggling with feelings of dislike, you should not express your thoughts to your child. At some point, most parents feel guilty expressing, I don’t like my child.
- It is truly okay (and normal) to have those feelings, but it is extremely important to keep them to yourself. DO NOT share feelings of dislike with your child. EVER!
- Learning to hold those emotions inside without expressing them to your child is essential for everyone’s best interests.
Signs You Resent Your Child
Feelings of Resentment
Feelings of Resentment towards your child are normal emotions. Having children drastically changes parents’ lives.
Often parents are not prepared for the tremendous adjustments they need to make in their lives to accommodate children. Additionally, many parents feel overwhelmed from the onset of having a newborn in their home.
Most parents do not understand or realize how difficult being a parent really is until they become a parent! Experiencing the lack of sleep, continual crying, (from baby and sometimes parent!), and constant demands can definitely spark feelings of resentment towards your child.
As the baby grows up, their personality begins to blossom, and their demands become more intense. While babies crawl and begin to walk, run, and climb, safety measures are required every minute of every day. Parents are on constant watch duty!
Over time, children grow into toddlers, adolescents, and teenagers and family demands continue to increase.
Throughout the years, parents may have feelings of resentment about their own lack of freedom, lack of time, lack of involvement, or lack of interest in their child.
Sadly, this can create feelings of resentment for your child. Reminding yourself that these years are temporary and honestly go by much faster than they seem helps reduce feelings of resentment.
It is important to honestly and lovingly deal with your feelings of resentment and learn to appreciate your child at each stage of their life.
Talk Space at is a wonderful resource for therapeutic services.
Managing Feelings of Guilt for Not Liking Your Child
We all love our children….and grandchildren. Well, I hope that’s the case! But, loving a child does not necessarily mean you like them. If we’re honest, really honest with ourselves, we have feelings of dislike in most of our relationships.
Spouses, parents, siblings, children, friends, etc. Regardless of the difficulties and frustrations we may face in our various relationships, most of us would do anything necessary for our loved ones.
But and this is a lifelong BUT, that does not mean that we LIKE everyone we love! And really that is OK! We are all human. Which means we have feelings and emotions that change and fluctuate throughout our lives.
Children, more so, change on a daily basis. Our sweet lovable child may quickly turn into a smart-mouthed teenager right before our eyes.
As parents and grandparents, we may be horrified by their behavior, but we still love them. We still treasure them as our children. Although we may need to distance ourselves from time to time in order to tolerate certain behaviors, our love does not diminish.
During those days, months, or years when you feel, I don’t like my child, remember, this time will pass. And with your help, support, and guidance, children will grow up and mature.
Children will eventually become their own person, independent from their parents and grandparents.
Therefore, learning how to love your child through the times when you don’t like them, is extremely important for their future individual selves. And for everyone’s mental stability!
For more information see 15 Top Parenting Challenges for Parents & Grandparents.
TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS WHEN YOU FEEL, I DON’T LIKE MY CHILD!
- Focus on all of the things you like about your child, instead of the things you don’t like.
- Remember, every age is a different phase of learning and growing for your child. This stage will pass!
- Recall fun times you’ve enjoyed with your child throughout the years. They are still that same child inside.
- Think about yourself as a child, an adolescent, and a teenager and how you wish your parents would have or could have handled things differently.
- Respect your child’s individuality. They are not yours to mold. They are unique to themselves.
- Remain optimistic. Being negative or forceful may push children away.
- Parenting is hard! Sometimes You Might Say, I Don’t Like My Child, But You Always Love Them!
