Parental Visitations
See Below: TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS FOR PARENTAL VISITATION
Gaining Legal Custody
In 2017, I petitioned the court for legal custody of my two school-aged grandchildren. Over the course of their young lives, they lived with only mom, and sometimes mom and dad, then mom again.
Every year, for many years, their living situation changed, which was continually difficult for children’s schedules and friendships.
At the time I gained custody of my two grandkids, both mom and dad were suffering from drug addiction and serious mental health concerns. There was no question the kids needed to be cared for, away from both parents.
Fortunately, I was awarded legal custody and although their parents are currently clean and sober, the children have remained in my custody and are doing well. They continue to have parental visitation, mostly with mom, and with dad on occasion.
Determined Parental Visitation
Included in this post are 5 important facts for court-determined parental visitation. During a custody case, parental visitation is determined for parents and guardians.
Depending on the situation, the judge will determine the terms of visitation for parents in the legal orders. The terms may differ from parent to parent.
Each parent’s circumstances are discussed before scheduled visitation is documented. It is important for the Judge to fully understand the current living conditions of each parent, before awarding visitation.
Supervised Parental Visitation
Many times, and in my case, the Judge will order supervised visitation. Supervised visitation requirements are established in the custodial agreement.
Typically, a specific person or persons are selected to be present during all visitations between the parent and the children.
If all parties are amicable, the Judge may agree that the custodial guardian/s be the selected person/s present during supervised visitations.
Normally, approval of supervised visitation is determined between the Judge, the custodial guardian, and the parent/s before the final agreements are filed.
In my situation, as the custodial guardian (grandparent), I agreed to meet mom or dad in a particular location at a particular time for visitation.
Although it was generally pleasant, at times it was difficult to watch my grandkid’s reluctance during visits with mom or dad.
They loved both of their parents 100%, who were not together as a couple, but understood neither parent could care for them at that time.
Both kids knew their parents needed to take care of themselves and they felt safe living with MomMom and PopPop.
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Parental Visitation Agreements
Parental visitation agreements vary in every custody situation. Personally, I welcomed their mom and dad to visit as often as possible. However, I did not allow them to visit my home.
I felt the visit would be more beneficial outside of the house. Also, I didn’t want the parents to feel awkward being inside their kid’s “new” home.
Therefore, I tried to schedule visits that involved an activity. Many times, they visited local playgrounds and parks. At times they would walk around the mall and get something to eat.
They also enjoyed going bowling, the movies, or bike riding. I felt it was important for the kids to have fun and interact with their parents (separately) during visits.
Allowing Distance During Visitations
During parental visitations, I typically kept my distance but was always onsite. Once we arrived at our agreed location, I purposefully would step back and allow the kids to visit with mom or dad without my constant input.
Of course, I felt the children were always safe and they were old enough to come to me if they needed me. I was always nearby and always kept my eye on them regardless of where we were. Yet, I supervised from a distance and allowed the kids and their parent time to truly be together.
Some visits were better than others, but all of the visits were important. The kids knew their parents still had work to do on their personal issues. However, providing positivity and support for their parents along the way was essential.
Although I needed to make difficult decisions regarding visitations, I always encouraged the kids to talk with their parents and spend time with them. I didn’t speak negatively about their parents because I knew they were trying to do better and improve their lives.
Obviously, all situations and families are different, but remaining positive and respectful is important.
Providing Support to Parents
As a guardian, a mom, and a grandmom, I understand the importance of providing support to parents. Some parents may struggle with various life issues while raising children. Don’t quit on them! Giving support to parents when they need it is a gift.
Showing parents love and support when they are not at their best may be extremely difficult, but necessary for their success. Giving them love lifts them up and may give them the strength they need to survive and become a better parent.
I have always been honest with my kids and grandkids. Knowing when your child needs help and support is a necessary quality for all parents.
Obviously, I did not plan on raising my grandchildren. However, due to the circumstances, I am grateful I am here for them.
If parents work on improving themselves and their overall situation, they deserve support from custodial guardians.
Supporting developing relationships with parents is a positive effort. It is also in the children’s best interest to help foster ongoing parental relationships.
Encouraging Parental Visitation
Parental visitation is beneficial for children. Although children may have a strained relationship with their parents, most children internally yearn for their parent’s love and affection. Withholding visitation opportunities can result in children feeling resentful toward guardians.
Not allowing visitation, can also send kids a message that their parents are not “good enough” to visit them. These feelings and emotions are difficult for children to understand or figure out.
As guardians, and grandparents, it’s important we encourage parents to visit with their children and establish a positive relationship. Even if the relationship is distant, children should see the effort parents are making for visitations.
Allowing children and parents bonding opportunities through visitations reinforces the love parents have for their children and the love children have for their parents. It is in everyone’s best interest to do what is best for the children now and in the years to come.
All parent/child relationships are worth developing, if at all possible. Guardians should try to help build bonds between parents and children, again, always keeping the children’s safety and best interest in mind.
Remember, children will not be children forever. Therefore, it is important they understand the value of healthy and safe relationships. Help them realize what a safe environment includes by showing them love for themselves and respect for their parents.
For additional information for grandparents seeking legal custody or visitations see HOW TO GET CUSTODY OF A GRANDCHILD OR CHILD
This post may include affiliate links, which means I will receive a small commission if you purchase through my link, at no additional cost to you. For full disclosure read here.
TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS FOR PARENTAL VISITATION
- If supervised visitation is determined in a custody agreement, try to be respectful to parents during visits. Don’t hover! Allow children time with their parents while you observe and remain nearby.
- Although it may be difficult at times, DO NOT INSULT PARENTS IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN. Believe it or not, children feel and understand the circumstances; even young children. However, most children still feel a deep love for their parent/s and yearn for their attention and affection. Putting parents down in front of them is placing children in a very vulnerable position.
- Plan public meeting places, such as the mall, a bowling alley, or the movies. If you feel comfortable, plan to meet at parks, playgrounds, or restaurants. (Meeting locations are a personal choice. I chose not to have parental visitations in my home for several years.)
- Resist putting children in the middle of visitation situations. The goal of visitations is to help build the parent/child relationship, regardless of the conditions. Help your children understand the value of visitations.
- Trust your instincts! If you do not feel safe in a particular situation, leave with you child! Not all parents have their children’s best interests in mind. Understanding the specifics of the surrounding environment before setting up a visitation is vital.
For an example see these Parental Visitation templates.
