What Parents & Grandparents Can Learn from Raising Spectacular Kids with Special Needs
See Below: TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS FOR RAISING KIDS WITH SPECIAL NEEDS
Personal Experience from Raising Kids with Special Needs
As a grandparent raising two grandkids with special needs, I hope sharing my personal experiences and stories may be helpful to other parents and grandparents who are raising kids with special needs.
Of course, I realize my experiences and knowledge are limited only to my grandchildren’s special needs. And, I realize there are many, many special needs that I am not familiar with and do not discuss.
However, I feel my tips, ideas, and suggestions are beneficial in several ways for all children, especially those kids with special needs.
Before my grandchildren, I was unfamiliar with raising kids with special needs. As a mother of five “typical” children, I did not have any experience with special education or children with special needs.
My children went through school with the traditional education and guidelines I knew to be “normal”. My children were involved in various activities, team sports, and clubs.
As a family, we established routines and schedules to always keep school work a priority and activities and social practices fun.
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Strategies for my Autistic Grandson
When my grandchildren moved in with my husband and me, they were 8 & 12 years old. My 12-year-old grandson had been diagnosed on the Autism spectrum, showing more on the Asperger spectrum.
Over the past several years autism and Asperger’s have been combined and considered one spectrum. (I’m not sure why and I’m definitely not an expert on the subject!)
Fortunately, my grandson started medication when he was diagnosed which helped some of his symptoms. But, at times he had many inappropriate behaviors. These behaviors were difficult to handle, both at home and at school.
With private therapy and support from a caring Middle School teacher, his behaviors began to decrease, which was a positive sign for his future school years.
For more information on Autism & kids with special needs visit Autism Speaks.
High School Transition
Unfortunately, when my grandson transitioned into High School, he was not familiar with the teachers or the established supports at the school.
At that time, his behaviors began to reappear. He was a strong young man and his outburst could become aggressive and violent.
None of the high school teachers knew him and they didn’t understand the best approach to diffuse aggressive situations.
I was called to the school many times to help resolve some of his behaviors. However, I generally did not know the best resolution and felt frustrated.
Being in the Autistic program, he had an established IEP, an Individualized Education Program, that needed to be followed.
Yet, his level of intelligence was well beyond the other students in the support classroom. Therefore, his academic schedule was adjusted to include mostly mainstream courses.
Regrettably, his behaviors often erupted during his mainstream classes and the “regular” education teachers did not know how to manage his outburst.
His negative behaviors in his mainstream classrooms impacted his ability to actually learn the information and subject matter.
So, he was typically sent back to his resource special education classroom to complete his work from his mainstream classes. However, since he didn’t learn the information, most of his assignments were not submitted for credit.
See SIGNIFICANT CHALLENGES FACED BY STUDENTS IN SCHOOL
School Meetings to Address Specific Special Needs
Quite regularly, his educational team would set up meetings to discuss the best approach for him. These meetings included mainstream teachers, (some of whom were literally scared of him), his special ed teacher, his private therapist, and myself.
My grandson was also included in a portion of the meeting. In most meetings, we discussed a protocol for the teaching staff to follow if and when his behaviors erupted.
An aide was also sent to classes with him to oversee his behavior, which honestly caused more harm than good since she had no training with autistic students.
During that time, I felt it would be best for my grandson to transfer to another school.
I thought a different environment would help develop his educational and social structures. Sadly, he was not accepted into other programs due to his tendency to become aggressive.
However, as the days and months passed and the teaching staff began to understand his needs more clearly, he began to relate to his teachers and his special needs peers more effectively.
Since his overall behavior and grades were improving, it was decided he would remain in his current school until graduation.
The Grim Effect of Covid on All Kids…Especially Kids with Special Needs
Gloomily, the onset of Covid in March 2020 led to virtual education and my grandson began to lose motivation. Losing his only interpersonal connection with other students set him back socially and academically.
He also lost interest in maintaining his grades or doing his assignments online. His team of teachers and I met with him (virtually) several times to try to understand what he needed to move forward.
We set up strategies at home and through his virtual school programs, but they were rarely successful.
In the Fall of 2021 and the start of a new school year, our schools remained virtual for several months. When he started back in the classroom he was only in class with a few other students. Everyone was distanced and interactions were extremely limited. Unfortunately, he remained separated from school connections both socially and scholastically.
12th Grade
In 2022, he planned to graduate high school. His educational team and I continued to encourage him to think about his future goals through work or continued education.
We are hopeful as he matures, he will learn to find areas that bring him joy and help him continue to grow throughout his life.
Knowing his autistic brain processes information and priorities differently is a constant challenge for me to fully understand. I think it’s even hard for him to understand sometimes too!
For now, I look for hope that he will discover his ultimate goal for his future. He is extremely bright and has so much to offer to the world.
I will continue to provide him with support, love, and care with the hope that he finds an avenue to pursue in the years ahead.
Some Great Reading Options For Parents & Kids With Special Needs
Strategies for my ADHD Granddaughter
ADHD: More Suggestions for Raising Kids with Special Needs
When my 8-year-old granddaughter moved in with me, she was behind in her schoolwork. She was lacking structure, which included completing any school work on a regular basis.
There were basic fundamentals missing from her daily routines. She had a deficiency in fully understanding her educational role and responsibilities.
She had never completed homework and didn’t realize or understand the need to do schoolwork outside of the school building. She spent most of her time at home on her school-issued iPad playing games.
Focusing on her iPad allowed her an opportunity to escape from some of the chaos she experienced in her younger years.
After moving in with me, it was important I address some of the lost fundamentals with the school district. Our goal was to help her improve her future school journey.
An IEP, Individualized Education Program, was put into place, which allowed her additional support in areas she was deficient. She was tested by the school district and diagnosed with ADHD.
Signs of Development
Happily, the school incorporated strategies to provide supports and she started private therapy. She began to grow and blossom into a sweet, kind, independent young girl.
Luckily, therapy helped her work through her anxieties and allowed her to find her own voice.
Although we have not established daily medication, we have found various approaches to help keep her ADHD under better control….and LOTS of patience!
For more information on ADHD see BEST TIPS FOR RAISING KIDS WITH ADHD.
Fortunately, I have learned structures and ideas over the past five years to help both of my grandkids and myself, deal with their special needs.
Although I am certainly not an expert in any of these areas, through trials and tribulations, I have developed wisdom and patience for a more peaceful and fulfilling life for all of us.
Sensory Ideas for Kids With Special Needs
TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS FOR RAISING KIDS WITH SPECIAL NEEDS
- BE PATIENT! I have not always been a patient parent, but I have learned that being patient is vitally important to maintaining positive results when raising kids with special needs.
- REMAIN CALM! I have to admit that a can be a yeller and quite vocal. However, I have definitely learned that if I lose my cool or raise my voice, I only amplify the situation. Talking in a calm tone and remaining calm (even when you’re really frustrated) can keep special needs children from becoming aggressive. Your tone will determine their demeanor. STAY CALM and talk out all issues in a gentle tone.
- DON’T LOOK FOR PERFECTION! Children with ADD and ADHD have funny habits and quirks, as do autistic kids. Most times they are not aware they are doing or not doing something that was asked of them.
- Be VERY specific when giving instructions. Write lists and give reminders without getting upset. Many chores that should be obvious to some are not obvious to the ADD and/or ADHD brain. Give LOTS of details.
- Remember, trash, clothes, unclosed drawers, etc. etc. etc., are invisible to them. Give small instructions and gentle reminders for tasks they need to complete. DON’T EXPECT PERFECTION….EVER!
- SHOW AFFECTION! Special needs children need and want affection. By giving a hug or a soft touch on their arm or their back sends a positive, loving message. Even if some kids are resistant, find a way to show them signs of affection. Most kids love a small kiss on the top of their head or forehead. Give it a try!
- LISTEN TO THEM! Many times, families talk around their special needs children, but fail to include them in the conversation. Make an effort to include them in all conversations and LISTEN to their response, without talking over them. Allowing them the opportunity to give their opinion or share a thought may take additional time. If this happens, go back to Tip #1…BE PATIENT and truly LISTEN!
- ADVOCATE FOR YOUR CHILD! Most times children do not know what they want or what they need. They feel like outsiders in a classroom full of “typical” students. Children with special needs may struggle to understand what tools they need to help them through their day.
- If your child is overstimulated, they may need to put their head down without getting yelled at by a teacher or aide.
- If your child can’t focus in a room full of students to complete an important task or a test they may need to be placed in a quiet environment.
- If your child’s school is not providing enough support or fulfilling their requirements of an IEP or a 504 plan speak up. An IEP and 504 plans are legal documents. The school district is required by law to fulfill all requirements noted in the document for all kids with special needs.
- If your child’s school is resistant to providing what your child needs, free legal counseling is available for parents to discuss school strategies or change schools. Whichever the best outcome is for your child’s special needs.
