TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS FOR WHAT IS THE BEST AGE TO START DATING
What is The Best Age to Start Dating?
Many parents, and grandparents raising grandchildren, want to know “what is the best age to start dating”?
As a parent of five grown children, now raising two teenage grandchildren, I still ask myself this question. How do I determine what is the best age to start dating? And, is there a “best” age for dating?
Reflecting on this question as a grandparent raising grandkids, the first issue parents and grandparents need to address is what dating means to our kids.
Does “dating” mean talking or texting on the phone? Does it mean interacting on a social media site? What is “dating”?
Well, I can tell you that to my granddaughter, “dating” is interacting through phone and text. Sometimes phone calls may include FaceTime. Rarely, does dating with young teens include close interactions or going out together.
Honestly, when my kids were young, before the takeover of cell phones and texting, I’d ask myself and them what is the best age to start dating.
However, at that time, the “dating” experience included passing notes in school or sharing communication exchanges with other friends.
“Dating” typically did not involve two kids meeting somewhere alone together for a meal or chat. Honestly, I think most young teens would feel overwhelmed if they were alone together! Most prefer being in a group setting.
Yet, the idea of “dating” someone was knowing a particular person liked you and you liked that particular person. Boom! You were dating!! Simple, right?
Not really! Generally, nothing to do with teenagers, especially young teenagers is simple! Mostly it’s simply confusing to try to figure them out, and figure out their dating rules!
Regardless, before parents and grandparents get upset about teenagers dating, you need to determine what “dating” means for their kids. Then you can discuss what is the best age to start dating.
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Dating with Social Media: What is the Best Age to Start Dating?
As a grandparent raising grandkids who are now teenagers, I’m always attempting to keep current with the trends. Of course, that’s easier said than done, but I still try!
For years I was very strict when it came to social media and did not allow any social accounts. That all changed when they became teens.
Believe it or not, most parents allowed their kids to have ALL social media accounts well before their teenage years, so it was tough for me to stand my ground…..but I did.
However, now, with allowing ONE social media account, they can easily interact with more people, which scares me to death! With my tendency to be a helicopter parent, I insist on knowing and seeing (for the most part) whom they interact with.
Trusting your children is vital, but it’s still important to know the circle of friends with which your child is hanging out.
Parents should use social media and technology to their advantage to keep in touch with their children when they are out and about. Staying connected through phone or text will help reassure parents their children are ok.
What Does “Dating” Mean to Teens?
For teens, going out on a date has lots of different meanings! Typically, for young teens, who do not drive, “dating” does not mean going out for dinner and a movie.
Of course, parents may drive their teens to the movies to “meet up” with their date or pick up their date to drive them together.
“Dating” may also include talking to each other a lot, flirting, or saying cute things to each other, hanging out in a group, and sometimes hanging out alone. When teens are alone, they may typically walk around talking and holding hands. These are some signs of “dating”.
What Does “Going Out” Mean to Teens?
“Going out” for the 13-15-year-olds may also mean hanging out with a group of friends, at school, or even at the mall. (Yes, there are still malls in some parts of the country, lol!)
“Going out” may also include social media interactions, phoning, and texting. When teens are “going out” they may be holding hands and cuddling. These are some signs of “going out”.
Parents and grandparents raising grandkids should be discussing cuddling and sexual limitations. It is important to talk openly about sexuality with teens so they feel supported if they have questions.
Allow teens an opportunity to freely ask questions without judgment or punishment. Being accessible to your teens will give them a better sense of your trust and will help them be more honest when communicating with you.
What Does a “Relationship” Mean to Teens?
Generally, “relationships” are more serious than dating or going out. If teens are in a relationship or are “shipped” (slang for relationship) they may hang out alone more often than hanging out in a group.
Being in a “relationship” may also include kissing and cuddling. (Scary right?!) Additionally, teens in a relationship may meet the other partner’s parents and hang out at their partner’s house. These are signs of a “relationship”.
Maturing Teens Dating: What is the Best Age to Start Dating?
As teens get older and mature, 16-19 years old, their “dating” interactions may become more individual and intimate. During these older teen years “dating” may include scheduling dates for dinner, movies, or other events.
Often timing older teens are earning money by working and are responsible to pay for their dates. They may also be driving. Therefore, teens who are planning dates may be driving themselves to pick up their date as well as paying for the date itself.
Average Age for First Boyfriend
Truly, there is not an established age for a first boyfriend (or girlfriend) because each situation (and child) is so different. Therefore, trying to determine what is the best age to start dating may confuse both parents and kids.
Often teens may begin dating a best friend, school friend, or family friend. Dating a friend or someone they knew as a child may make them feel more secure about socializing in general.
As for teenagers, parents should determine what the date age formula might be. Of course, the date age formula is much different for adults, than it is for teenagers, so it’s important parents are involved in discussing what age range is appropriate for teenagers.
Also, understanding what is the best age to start dating may differ from state to state. Different states have different age regulations, therefore, parents and teens need to understand what the guidelines and regulations are in your state. Personally, it’s scary to think of a young 13-16-year-old dating an 18-19-year-old. So, be vigilant about accessing age gaps.
Although there are no dating rules for teenage sons or daughters, signs of teenage dating violence have been noted in young teen girls dating older teen boys.
Therefore, it is extremely important for parents and grandparents to monitor teenage relationships and keep communication open about teen dating violence.
What is Teenage Violence?
Teenage violence can include several concerns, from passive encounters to overt aggressions. If your teen is subject to any of these behaviors, be sure to intervene as quickly as possible.
Teen violence or any domestic violence does not end with hugs, kisses, and apologies. Neither girls nor boys or men or women should remain in an abusive and violent relationship.
Some Signs of Teenage Violence from a Dating Partner Include:
- Bullying
- Overt & Aggressive teasing
- Physical abuse
- Sexual abuse
- Emotional abuse
To find information about what is teenage violence, see:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline or to speak with someone for help, call: 1-800-799-7233.
Setting Boundaries for Teenage Dating
Setting boundaries for your teen who is dating is important for you and them. Teens need to clearly understand boundaries for intimacy and behaviors.
However, it is important to acknowledge and discuss sexual activity with your teen. They need to understand the dangers and chances of contracting an STD, sexually transmitted disease, and the ramifications STD’s may include.
Additionally, birth control should be addressed for sexually active teens. Parents and grandparents raising grandchildren need to be mindful that many teens are sexually active and pregnancy prevention should be addressed.
Trusting your teen is essential, however, making well-defined ground rules for teenage dating is extremely necessary to maintain healthy relationships with parents and your teen’s partners.
But, don’t ignore that your child is getting older and making their own decisions. Be supportive!
Broken Hearts: What is the Best Age to Start Dating?
Regardless of what is the best age to start dating, most teens will begin dating at some point.
Although teens may have frequent and short relationships, they often feel very sad and depressed when a breakup occurs. Be sure not to undermine or underestimate your child’s feelings and emotions when a relationship ends.
As adults, many of us have had the experience of puppy love throughout our life. Therefore, it’s important to acknowledge and respect your child’s disappointment when a relationship ends.
Often teens expect relationships to be longer or more involved than they turn out to be. When this happens, and generally it will happen, they may feel overwhelmed and heartbroken.
Don’t ignore or dismiss a child’s broken heart. Show them love and empathy during their difficult emotional period. Reassure them things will get better because we all know they truly will.
To see the 15 Top Parenting Challenges Concerning parents & Grandparents.
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TIPS, IDEAS & SUGGESTIONS FOR WHAT IS THE BEST AGE TO START DATING
- Ask questions. Ask your teen to explain what “dating”, “going out” or “relationships” mean to them. It’s important to have a clear understanding directly from your teen.
- Establish ground rules. Depending on the age of your child, ground rules will differ. A young teen (or even 12-year-old) may need stricter rules than an older teen.
- Show trust in your teen, but don’t be naïve. As adults, we understand the sexual world around us. Teens are well aware of the sexualized culture as well. Show trust, but don’t turn a blind eye to your teen’s actions.
- Set boundaries. Establish clear limitations with your teen that you expect them to follow. But, don’t expect teens to always follow your expectations. Teens are becoming more independent and may not honor always their limitations.
- Be respectful. Even if your teen does not follow every expectation you have for them, remain respectful towards them.
- LISTEN! If teenagers feel respected and heard, they may come to their parents with questions or concerns.
