Below See Tips, Ideas & Suggestions for Understanding Parent-Child Relationship Problems
The Need to Understand the Parent-Child Relationship
As a child, the parent-child relationship is the most important relationship in their lives. Having a strong parent-child bond from the beginning of parenthood is both gratifying and beneficial in order to sustain a lifetime of love and respect for one another.
However, as children become adults, parents and grown children must work together to develop a different type of parent-child relationship. Unfortunately, as children age, relationships can become strained and parent-child relationship problems may be more apparent.
Understanding different parenting styles can give both parents and children an insight into why they may be experiencing parent-child relationship problems.
Additionally, trying to accept and come to terms with your parenting style will allow you an opportunity to learn how to cope with any parent-child relationship problems you may have.
Realizing the Importance of the Parent-Child Relationship
Being a parent of five adult children and now raising two grandchildren, I have learned the importance of the parent-child relationship.
When children are young, parents are 100% responsible to cultivate a healthy parent-child relationship. However, all parents need to realize that parent’s style of parenting has a huge impact on the development of the parent-child relationship.
Recognizing Parent-Child Relationship Problems
First, it is important to recognize and acknowledge the parenting style you are as a parent and the style you experienced as a child.
For parents, identifying the parenting style you grew up with may provide some reasons and answers to your existing parenting style.
For instance, if a child grew up with very lenient parents, they may believe that a firm structure is necessary for their children. Therefore, they may raise their children with a strict parenting style.
On the other hand, children that grow up in a very strict environment may be very permissible with their children.
This means, that your own childhood parenting styles will most likely determine the parenting style with your children. Therefore, it is extremely important for new parents to be cautious when establishing their parenting rules in order to avoid negative outcomes for both parents and children.
Parents and children, even grown children may encounter problems coming to terms with the particular parenting style they experienced.
- Children may feel resentful toward parents for doing or not doing something they felt was important to them growing up. Children may feel their upbringing was lacking in some way and hold their parents accountable for various reasons.
- Parents may feel they did the best they could at the time and tried to give their children what they needed. Parents may resent children for not appreciating the sacrifices they endured in raising their children.
All in all, it is up to both parents and children to attempt to understand and rationalize the maturing process. Honest discussions may help parents and children appreciate each other’s experiences.
Learning to come to terms with things that happened in childhood opens your heart and mind to a sincere respect for each other. It also helps alleviate any ongoing parent-child relationship problems.
Parenting Styles
There are a variety of parenting styles parents may follow when raising children.
Recognizing the various parenting styles may help children and parents to have a clear sense of relationship outcomes.
The style or type of parent-child relationship begins in childhood and can continue through adulthood. However, as children grow the parent-child relationship will change and may become an unhealthy family dynamic if issues are not identified.
To learn more about specific parenting styles, and how to avoid parent-child relationship problems through books, audiobooks, and ebooks at Barnes & Noble or The Book Depository.
5 Types of Parenting Styles
Overprotective Parenting
Often parents believe they can protect their children from hurt, pain, and harm. This protection spreads beyond the cautionary fun at a playground for young children. Parental overprotection can surround the emotional boundaries of young children, adolescents, teens, and adult children.
Overprotective parents feel their children NEED them to oversee them in every way. Many overprotective parents think their children, at all ages, are incapable of doing things on their own or making their own choices.
Overprotective parents question their child’s ability to be independent. Therefore, they may not allow or support individual growth or development for their child’s future success.
Most parent-child relationships are very special. It is perfectly acceptable to support children by giving advice and protecting them from making mistakes. But making demands on your children, especially adult children, will create anger and resentment.
Overprotective parents may see children distance themselves from their parents as they get older. Therefore, it is important to discuss these issues with your child in order to avoid long-lasting parent-child relationship problems.
Lenient Parenting
Lenient or permissive parents may feel they are providing exactly what their child needs. Lenient parents allow children to make their own decisions without enforcing rules.
Although this parenting style may seem “cool”, it may create harmful outcomes and consequences for your child.
A parent’s goal should not be their child’s friend, yet friendly towards them. Parents should provide structure throughout their child’s life so children gain a better understanding of personal pride and accomplishments.
Children, as with most people, need structure in their daily lives. Without set boundaries or guidelines, children, adolescents, and teens, will not have a clear understanding of social norms or social behavioral expectations.
Parents’ guidance and direction allow children healthy regulations for themselves and those around them. If parents do not provide any supervision or leadership, children will have a difficult time establishing limitations on their own.
Overly lenient parents may struggle to achieve a close bond with their children. Therefore, lenient parents may experience parent-child relationship problems unless concerns are addressed.
Neglectful Parenting
Neglect occurs when parents look out for their own best interests, instead of the interests of their children. If parents cannot or do not recognize the basic needs of their children, it can lead to dangerous situations.
As noted in a previous blog post, see 15 TOP PARENTING CHALLENGES FOR PARENTS & GRANDPARENTS, not all parents are meant to raise children. Some men and women find themselves in a parental role, but do not have the necessary means or tools to parent a child.
In this type of toxic situation with obvious parent-child relationship problems, it is best for parents to identify their shortcomings and find alternative options for their children’s well-being.
Continual neglect of children of any age can be detrimental to their physical, emotional, and phycological life and mental health.
Neglecting children is extremely damaging for the develop of children and will cause unhealthy parent-child relationship problems.
Strict Parenting
Strict parents are often demanding with their children. They generally do not allow for flexibility or discussion regarding their parenting decisions.
Children with strict parents tend to be fearful of making mistakes or doing something wrong.
Additionally, strict parenting can show other signs of unhealthy parent-child relationship problems. Exhibiting harsh behavior towards children can lead to lifelong resentment. Also, children may withdraw from their strict parents whenever possible.
Strict parenting can cause a lack of genuine communication and honesty between parents and children. Parents must consider how their parenting style is affecting their child’s opportunity for growth and maturity.
A strict parenting style will most likely build resentment for lasting parent-child relationship problems.
High Expectation Parenting
Parents typically want their children to be happy and successful. However, many parents feel they must guide their children to achieve goals they are not interested in. This can definitely create parent-child relationship problems.
For example, parents may push children into a specific career path the child does not want to pursue. High expectation parents may even force children into activities, sports, or jobs they are not interested in doing.
These parents believe their choices are the best choices for their children, regardless of the child’s wishes. Children may feel powerless to go against their parent’s expectations.
Children may reluctantly agree to follow their parent’s recommendations, in order to not disappoint them. All children want their parent’s admiration and approval; therefore, they may be willing to put their desires aside to keep their parents happy. Yet, in the long run parents with high expectations can create parent-child relationship problems throughout the years.
Reaching out for Support
Openly discussing parent-child relationship problems can help resolve many concerns.
It may be helpful for maturing children to find a supportive grandparent, aunt, or uncle to discuss parents’ rules and discuss different alternatives.
Finding a Balance
Although these 5 parenting styles are quite different, parenting is not set in stone. Most parents find a balance in their parenting styles. At times they are strict and other times extremely lenient. Parents may be overprotective about specific issues or situations, but then back off in other areas.
Of course, most parents want the best for their children, so they may pressure them with high expectations in their schoolwork. Yet, allow them freedom with their activities.
Truthfully, these 4 parenting styles will inter-blend with each other from young children through teen and young adult years. Finding a parenting balance will give both parents and children a better opportunity to understand each other.
Please know, that neglectful parenting is NEVER acceptable. There are various forms and methods of neglect of children, but NONE of them can be tolerated.
ANY form of neglect should be reported to the authorities. The Child Help hotline is: 1-800-422-4453; The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline.
If children feel they are in danger or being neglected, they can contact 911, inform a trusted adult or inform any individual at a school or place of worship, who are all Mandated Reporters.
New Parent Expectations
New parents usually have their own ideas and ideals for parenting. Most new parents don’t realize how difficult and challenging parenting is, but they learn. Therefore, they may have an established vision of what type of parent they will be.
Typically, their expectations change once parenthood becomes a reality. Instead of keeping to a well-thought-out parenting plan, their emotions, and frustrations take over!
They may overreact. When that occurs, decisions and punishments may be made out of anger instead of patience.
But, when situations are calm and parents are at ease, they generally make reasonable and rational choices about outcomes.
My Best Parenting Advice
My best piece of advice is to stay as calm as possible during the chaos. Keeping a calm tone and a level voice is especially important for assessing situations.
Truthfully this has ALWAYS been hard for me. I’m a yeller at heart! Probably because my parents (especially my dad) were yellers and I learned that bad habit from my childhood.
However, yelling, under any circumstance, elevates emotions and amplifies anger and frustration. Although I know yelling is awful, I continued to yell until…..my autistic grandson moved in with us.
Children and/or adults on the autism spectrum become VERY stressed and anxious when someone raises their voice. So, I’ve become overly conscious of my yelling for his sake.
Honestly, I wish I would have realized the negative impact my yelling had on my children when they were young. Sadly, I didn’t and I was an experienced yeller until most of my children had moved out of our house. (Sorry kids!)
Now, with my grandson living with us, I make a point of keeping my voice composed and quiet while still getting my message across. What a HUGE difference that one parenting adjustment has made in all of my parent-child relationships.
Final Thoughts About Parent-Child Relationship Problems
As a parent of seven, five adult children, and raising my two grandchildren, I have used a mixture of parenting styles.
I am overprotective at times, lenient at times, strict at times, and have high expectations at times.
Parenting does not have one set of rules. It is a mixture of tough and sweet. Hard and soft. Tears and Hugs! Parenting is special and having a healthy parent-child relationship is amazing! At all cost, do whatever you can to avoid having parent-child relationship problems.
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Tips, Ideas & Suggestions for Understanding Parent-Child Relationship Problems
- Learn the various parenting styles and understand what values and harm each parenting style may have on you and your child.
- Don’t expect to be a perfect parent, but strive for patience and a REAL understanding of your child’s issues and concerns.
- LISTEN TO YOUR CHILDREN BEFORE RESPONDING! Don’t automatically jump to conclusions. If you do, they may stop talking to you or sharing information.
- Respect your children. They may be young, but they deserve to be listened to and respected for who they are.
- Kids will be kids! ALWAYS remember children’s brains are not fully developed until age 25, so they literally cannot think with the same thought process as a developed adult.
- BE KIND!! Children YEARN for love and respect from parents. Let them impress you….because they will every time!!!!!!!
- DON’T CALL THEM NAMES!!! Children DO NOT have short memories. Even if you think they will not be affected by name-calling, they will!! Name-calling are internal bruises that NEVER heal. DON’T DO IT!!
