If you are one of the many grandparents raising grandkids, you already know something that people who haven’t lived this experience may never fully understand:
Parenting again is different.
I know because I’ve lived it.
After raising five children of my own, I thought I knew what parenting was all about. I had been through the sleepless nights, the toddler years, school problems, teenage years, arguments, hugs, laughter, tears, and all the beautiful chaos that comes with raising children.
Then my husband and I found ourselves raising our two oldest grandchildren.
Suddenly, we were parenting again.
And let me tell you something…
I quickly discovered that grandparents raising grandkids are not simply repeating the parenting experience they had years ago.
We are parenting in a different time, with different technology, different expectations, different challenges, and children who have their own unique experiences and needs.
Our grandchildren moving into our home changed our lives in ways I never expected.
There have been difficult days.
There have been exhausting days.
There have been days when I wondered, “Am I really doing this all over again?”
But there have also been some of the most meaningful, loving, and rewarding moments of my life.
So if you are a grandparent raising grandkids, I want to share 10 things no one told me about parenting again.
And maybe one or two of these will make you stop and say:
“Yes! It’s not just me.”
1. Parenting Again Doesn’t Feel Exactly Like Parenting the First Time
When grandparents begin raising grandchildren, we often assume our previous parenting experience will make everything easier.
After all, we’ve done this before, right?
Well… sort of.
You Have Experience, But Every Child Is Different
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as a grandparent raising grandkids is that experience doesn’t give you all the answers.
When I raised my five children, I learned what worked for them.
But my grandchildren are different people.
They have different personalities, different experiences, different needs, and different ways of looking at the world.
What worked beautifully with one child may completely fail with another.
Your Parenting Experience Is a Foundation—Not a Rulebook
I believe our years of parenting experience are incredibly valuable.
But grandparents raising grandkids also have to be willing to learn again.
We have to listen.
We have to observe.
We have to research.
We have to adapt.
And sometimes, we have to admit:
“I don’t know.”
That isn’t failure.
That’s parenting.
2. The World Has Changed Since You Raised Your Children
This one became very obvious to me.
Technology has changed parenting.
When I raised my children, we didn’t have the same level of smartphones, social media, tablets, video games, instant messaging, and constant access to information that children have today.
Today, grandparents raising grandkids are navigating a world that can feel completely different from the one in which we raised our own children.
Technology Can Make Parenting Again Feel Like a Whole New Job
Screens can affect routines, communication, sleep, school, social relationships, entertainment, and family time.
And sometimes I find myself thinking:
“How did parents ever have to deal with this when I was raising my kids?”
Well…
We didn’t!
That’s why grandparents raising grandkids shouldn’t feel embarrassed when we have to learn new things.
We aren’t supposed to know everything about today’s world.
We just need to be willing to learn.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask Questions
If you don’t understand a new app, gaming system, social media platform, school program, or technology your grandchild is using, ask.
Our grandchildren may actually be able to teach us something.
And that’s okay.
Parenting isn’t about always being the smartest person in the room.
Sometimes it’s about being the adult who is willing to learn.
3. You May Have Less Energy Than You Remember Having
Okay…
Let’s talk about something many grandparents raising grandkids may not want to admit.
Parenting is exhausting.
And parenting again later in life can be REALLY exhausting.
I remember raising my five children when I was younger.
I could keep going.
I could stay up late.
I could get up early.
I could work, take care of children, cook dinner, clean the house, and somehow keep moving.
Now?
Let’s just say my body sometimes has a different opinion!
Loving Your Grandchildren Doesn’t Eliminate Exhaustion
This is important.
You can love your grandchildren with every part of your heart and still be exhausted.
You can be grateful they are in your life and still need a break.
You can feel blessed and overwhelmed at the same time.
Those feelings can exist together.
Being Tired Doesn’t Mean You’re Doing Something Wrong
If you are a grandparent raising grandkids and you’re tired, please don’t beat yourself up.
You are human.
Parenting requires energy.
Parenting again requires energy.
And grandparents raising grandkids may also be balancing work, household responsibilities, relationships, appointments, school, activities, and everything else life brings.
Give yourself some grace.
You deserve it.
4. Your Freedom Can Disappear Almost Overnight
This was one of the biggest adjustments for me.
After raising five children, my husband and I had finally reached a quieter stage of life.
Our children were grown.
We had careers.
We could travel.
We could make plans.
We could go out.
We could enjoy our time.
Then our grandchildren came to live with us.
And suddenly…
My time wasn’t really my own anymore.
Grandparents Raising Grandkids May Grieve Their Old Life
This is something I don’t think we talk about enough.
Grandparents raising grandkids can deeply love the children while also missing the life they had before.
I missed spontaneous outings.
I missed having fewer responsibilities.
I missed being able to make plans without considering daycare, school, meals, bedtime, schedules, and everything else.
And yes…
Sometimes I even missed being able to eat cereal or ice cream for dinner!
Missing Your Old Life Doesn’t Mean You Don’t Love Your Grandchildren
Please remember that.
If you’ve ever thought:
“I love my grandchild, but I miss my old life.”
You are not a bad grandparent.
You are a human being experiencing a huge life change.
It is possible to love your new life and still mourn parts of your old one.
5. The Emotional Adjustment Can Be Bigger Than You Expect
When grandparents begin raising grandkids, there is often much more happening emotionally than simply changing where a child sleeps.
There may be uncertainty.
Fear.
Sadness.
Anger.
Confusion.
Guilt.
Relief.
Love.
And sometimes all of those emotions can show up in the same day!
Your Grandchildren May Be Adjusting Too
Remember that the change isn’t only happening to you.
Your grandchildren may also be trying to understand why their lives have changed.
They may miss their previous home.
They may miss their parents.
They may feel confused.
They may be afraid.
They may not know how to express what they’re feeling.
That is why grandparents raising grandkids often need to provide something more important than a perfectly organized home.
Security.
Love, Patience and Consistency Matter
When grandchildren enter a new home, they may need time to understand the rules and routines.
Be patient.
Give them love.
Give them affection.
Give them space when they need it.
Let them know you are there.
And when possible, provide predictable routines so they know what to expect.
Sometimes the most powerful thing we can say to a child is simply:
“You’re safe. I’m here. We’re going to get through this together.”
6. Discipline May Look Completely Different the Second Time Around
One of the biggest surprises for grandparents raising grandkids is discovering that the discipline strategies we used years ago may not work exactly the same way today.
I’ve learned this firsthand.
Clear Expectations Can Make a Huge Difference
Children don’t always understand vague instructions.
For example, saying:
“Clean your room.”
may seem perfectly clear to us.
But what does “clean your room” actually mean to a child?
Pick up clothes?
Put toys away?
Throw away trash?
Make the bed?
Put books on the shelf?
When grandparents are raising grandkids, being specific can help prevent confusion and unnecessary arguments.
Say Exactly What You Mean
Instead of:
“Clean your room.”
try:
“Please pick up the clothes from the floor and put them in the hamper. Then put your toys in the toy bin and throw away the trash.”
That’s much clearer.
And sometimes, parenting is about making the expectation so clear that there is very little room for misunderstanding.
7. You Will Probably Question Yourself—A LOT
Even after raising five children, I still question myself.
I think many grandparents raising grandkids do.
Am I Doing Enough?
This question can sneak into your mind when you’re lying awake at night.
“Am I doing enough?”
“Am I making the right decisions?”
“Should I have handled that differently?”
“Did I say the right thing?”
“Could I have done more?”
If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, welcome to the club.
There Is No Perfect Grandparent Raising Grandkids
I have made mistakes.
I’ve lost my patience.
I’ve second-guessed decisions.
I’ve changed my mind.
I’ve learned things the hard way.
And I’m still learning.
That’s okay.
Our grandchildren don’t need perfect grandparents.
They need grandparents who show up.
They need love.
They need consistency.
They need someone willing to listen.
They need someone willing to advocate for them.
And sometimes they simply need someone who stays.
8. You May Become Your Grandchild’s Biggest Advocate
One of the most important parts of grandparents raising grandkids is learning how to advocate for the children in our care.
That may mean communicating with teachers.
It may mean attending school meetings.
It may mean asking questions.
It may mean seeking evaluations or additional support.
It may mean learning about developmental differences.
It may mean speaking up when something doesn’t seem right.
Listen to Your Grandchild
I’ve learned that children deserve to be heard.
That doesn’t mean children make every decision.
Adults still have responsibilities.
But listening matters.
When a child tells you something is difficult, don’t automatically dismiss it.
Ask questions.
Listen.
Learn.
Then make the best decision you can based on the child’s needs and the information available to you.
Advocacy Is an Act of Love
Sometimes advocacy means making a phone call.
Sometimes it means asking another question.
Sometimes it means sitting in a meeting.
Sometimes it means saying:
“I know my grandchild, and I believe we need to look at this more closely.”
Grandparents raising grandkids may find themselves becoming advocates in ways they never imagined.
And although it can be exhausting, it can also be one of the most important things we do.
9. Your Relationships May Change
When grandchildren move into your home, your entire family system can change.
Your relationship with your spouse may change.
Your relationship with your adult children may change.
Your friendships may change.
Even your relationship with yourself can change.
Don’t Forget the People Who Love You
When you are focused on raising grandchildren, it can be easy to put everything else aside.
But relationships still matter.
Your spouse or partner may need your attention.
Your adult children may need you.
Your friends may miss you.
And perhaps most importantly…
You need you.
Don’t Let Caregiving Erase You
Grandparents raising grandkids can become so focused on everyone else’s needs that they forget they are people with needs too.
Make room for small moments that belong to you.
A cup of coffee.
A walk.
A phone call with a friend.
A quiet evening.
A hobby.
A date with your spouse.
It doesn’t have to be elaborate.
Sometimes five quiet minutes can feel like a vacation!
10. You Will Discover a Kind of Love You Can’t Quite Explain
And now we come to the part I never want to leave out.
Because despite the exhaustion…
Despite the worry…
Despite the schedule…
Despite the technology…
Despite the discipline…
Despite the school meetings…
Despite the moments when I wonder how I’m going to make it through another day…
I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Grandparents Raising Grandkids Are Giving More Than They May Realize
There is something incredibly powerful about being the person a child can depend on.
Being there when they wake up.
Being there when they’re sick.
Being there when they’re scared.
Being there when they accomplish something exciting.
Being there when they need a hug.
Being there when they need someone to listen.
Being there when they simply need to know:
“Someone has me.”
Sometimes (or often…as in my situation) Being a Grandparent Means Becoming the Parent
Being a grandparent isn’t always about weekend visits, sleepovers, holidays, and spoiling the grandkids before sending them home.
Sometimes (or often), being a grandparent means becoming the parent.
Sometimes (or often), it means changing your plans.
Sometimes (or often), it means learning things you never expected to learn.
Sometimes (or often), it means starting over.
And sometimes (or often), it means discovering that the quiet retirement you imagined isn’t the life you were meant to live after all.
What I Want Every Grandparent Raising Grandkids to Remember
If you’re one of the grandparents raising grandkids, I want to tell you something from my heart.
You don’t have to be perfect.
You don’t have to know everything.
You don’t have to have every answer.
You don’t have to handle every day perfectly.
You just have to keep showing up.
Keep learning.
Keep listening.
Keep loving.
Keep advocating.
And when you have a difficult day, give yourself permission to say:
“Today was hard.”
Then get up tomorrow and try again.
Give Yourself Grace
There will be good days.
There will be bad days.
There will be days when you laugh until your stomach hurts.
There will be days when you want to hide in the bathroom for five minutes of peace!
There will be moments when you wonder how you got here.
And there will be moments when you look at your grandchild and realize:
“This is exactly where I need to be.”
You Are Not Alone
That is one of the reasons I created RaisingGrandkids.com.
I know what it feels like to suddenly find yourself parenting again.
I know what it feels like to wonder whether you’re doing enough.
I know how exhausting it can be.
And I know how deeply you can love these children.
My hope is that RaisingGrandkids.com can be a place where grandparents raising grandkids can find honest information, practical ideas, encouragement, and—perhaps most importantly—a reminder that you are not alone.
Final Thoughts From MomMom
I never planned to become a grandmother raising my grandchildren.
My husband and I had already raised our five children. We had reached a quieter chapter of our lives.
Then life changed.
Our two oldest grandchildren needed us.
So we opened our home.
We opened our hearts.
And we began parenting again.
Was it easy?
Absolutely not.
Would I do it again?
Absolutely.
Because sometimes life doesn’t give us the chapter we expected.
Sometimes it gives us the chapter we need.
To every grandparent raising grandkids who is tired, worried, overwhelmed, or wondering if you’re doing enough:
Please know that you’re not alone.
I understand.
I’ve been there.
I’m still learning, too.
And if I could reach through this screen and give you a great big MomMom hug, I would.
So here’s my reminder to you:
Keep going.
Love them.
Listen to them.
Advocate for them.
Laugh with them.
Cry with them.
And don’t forget to take care of yourself along the way.
Because being a parent is wonderful…
but being a grandparent, parenting grandchildren, is a superpower. ❤️
From My Family to Yours
Welcome to RaisingGrandkids.com.
I’m MomMom, and I’m so glad you’re here.
If you’re raising grandchildren, parenting children again, or simply trying to navigate this unexpected journey one day at a time, I hope you’ll find something here that makes your life a little easier.
You are doing better than you think.
And you don’t have to do this alone. ❤️
More Raising Grandkids & Parenting Topics For Support
If you’re struggling with discipline while parenting your grandchildren, you may also want to read Discipline Strategies: Raising Grandkids vs. Raising Your Own Children, where I share some of the lessons I’ve learned about setting clear expectations and communicating with children.
And many more posts such as, How to Handle Sibling Rivalry When Raising Grandkids
FREE Age- Appropriate Chore Chart & Chore Guide
For more parenting tips to help teach your kids and teens age-appropriate chores, click this FREE chore chart and age-appropriate chore guide for children of ALL ages!
https://raisinggrandkids.systeme.io/free-chore-chart-for-kids-and-teens
0 Comments